MMO Boob Jobs: The Best Of The Breast
By Kei Beneza (dividelife), OnRPG Journalist
Remember when MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online) women were as covered as the armored knights of Final Fantasy? Sexy yet wholesome, games never featured voluptuous women in such a fashion. Tifa had huge knockers, but you really don’t see them squiggling around the way Tomonobu Itagaki (creator of Dead or Alive, a game dedicated to boob jiggling) sees fit. I am not merely talking about the games themselves but their methods of advertising as well, which has changed so much over time.
Much like your average boob, some MMOs droop through time, causing their charisma to prune down. Of course, with today’s technology (in the boob perspective), the only thing these things need is a good dose of MMO Boob jobs. Do elves really dress like prostitutes? Are female humans destined to wear exposing armor just for them to gain the upper advantage in combat? Maybe it helps for mobility, but the stronger you get, the more bare your characters become. Allow me to take you further as we do an in depth coverage of MMO Boob Jobs.
The Ads Boob Job
Much like most bordellos, each establishment needs a gimmick or a poster in order to boost their player base. Perhaps the best example for this kind of tactic is Evony Online, a strategic MMO web browser game that seems to be flooding the web with non-wholesome ads.
Analysis: Evony Online Boob Job
You can’t deny that ads like these commonly lead you to bugged sites that flood your computer with malware and viruses. Most of the time, these links give you non-work safe content like pornography popups and such. No one can resist juicy melons if I may say so myself. So what exactly drives an MMO ad (namely one that is for players of all ages) to change from an “Epic” knight in combat (*points at image above) to something that looks like this?
Yes indeed! What you are seeing is the same game being advertised after acquiring its voluptuous changes. Does it attract players? I’m not sure, but if they have the millions of “My Lords” as they claim, the boob job must be working wonders for them. I’ve seen certain complaints regarding this feature, about it being annoying at certain times, but if they’re really looking for Pr0N, Evony Online won the round on that one. Therefore, after studying the benefits this method has created for Evony Online, OnRPG has declared this method:
Indeed boob jobs have worked wonders for various games. Expanding this theory to console gaming and other platforms, other generally wholesome games like Tekken have already featured another form of BOUNCE in their system, giving players more COMBOS than they bargained for.
Let’s face it! It’s one of the underlying parts of MMO evolution. It’s safe to say that after reviewing older games, MMO characters now seem to have breasts that are much bigger than they used to be. Yes, it does boost the game’s charisma but is a rather vulgar way of doing things. The evolution of Ragnarok Online Loading screens should be enough to prove this theory correct, but why don’t you have a good look for yourselves?
Pretty sexy, I must say. They even designed her panties to match her chest’s… prowess. After being mesmerized by the MMO women of today, I decided to visit some of the classics for some in depth comparison.
Pretty isn’t she? What we have here is an Elf. Yes my lord, this is an elf from Everquest Online (A game launched during the late 90s). You were expecting another woman who implanted the Himalayas in her chest? She has long blonde hair, and is a bit sexy but nowhere near bed material. I’ve conducted a small test to indicate how much help Ms. Blonde elf will be in promoting the game.
After getting a pic of the Everquest female and a dark elf from Lineage 2, I asked 10 people (5 of which were men and 5 women) which game they would rather play when given the chance. Note that these people don’t know anything about MMOs, nor have they tried any of the titles mentioned here.
The result? I got a 1-9 in favor of the sexy boobalicious Dark elf. The one who picked the Everquest female was the religious type, so you could say that I saw it coming. Men make up most of the population in MMO gaming, regardless of their gender in the game; and like most of us, bigger means better. According to the other 4 girls I’ve tested, the dark elf was sexier, and looks more formidable than the conservative elf, thus making them pick the brothel-material rogue over the magical princess from Disney. I asked them if their decision had anything to do with the Dark Elf’s polygonal funbags. The funny part was they all answered “Yes”; Therefore, this Dark Elf female is—–
Let’s face it! Boob jobs have become the future of most MMO games. Definitely not as vulgar as Evony online, but if you analyze carefully, their Epic Mounds are everywhere. Are they really going too far with this gimmick, considering the fact that kids make up a lot of every MMO’s player base? Are battle maidens really destined to wear armor that depletes everytime they get stronger? It’s all about fan service in the end.
So Doc, should I get mine?
Fan service cannot be evaded as they hook a lot of players the same way Evony online did (LOL Sorry, the game is just the king of Boobs right now). Does it help? Yes it does! The existence of Dark Elves and other creatures in Rohan online should be enough to explain that. One thing I’ve learned from all of this is that when I create my own MMO, I’ll be sure to have my characters undergo a healthy boob job before taking them out for public use.
Everything just for you My Lord.