WoW Wednesday – Valentine’s Horoscopes*
By Merryquitecontrary, OnRPG Azeroth Reporter
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Things aren’t going well for your right now Aries, especially where romance is concerned so you might as well play WoW. You are likely pinning for yesteryear when you were in the top guild on your server, top of the DPS metre and top of everyone’s ignore list. Why not grab a Virgo (he’ll be the one moaning about all the changes) and be useful instead of your usual incredibly selfish self and run heroics with some noobs this holiday? Who knows, you may get lucky.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
This is your holiday Taurus. Romance and chocolate are two things you understand very well. However; this hasn’t been your best year. Jealousy is getting the better of you. You’ve been suspecting your partner of flirting with that cute blood elf healer (he/she probably is). Be careful though Taurus to not air your dirty laundry in guild chat. Pettiness doesn’t look good on you. Much like all that chocolate you’ve been eating.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Gemini you will be in high spirits (read: obnoxious) with that certain someone this week but be careful not to hurt feelings. Not everyone appreciates your jokes about how bad the tank tanks or the healer heals. If you aren’t careful you could start some major drama. Besides, the GM already thinks you are a jerk.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Cancer it isn’t smooth sailing for you this Valentine’s Day. You are feeling very emo sentimental right now hoping for the perfect Valentine’s but someone has rained on your parade because of insensitive remarks they made. To be fair Cancer, nobody likes kill stealing. That Tauren was well within his rights to refer to your mother as an ogre. But if you are going to be a big baby about it, let him know how you feel because that is all the action you will be seeing this holiday.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
You just have to be the centre or attention, don’t you? The first half of this holiday sees you full of jealously and resentment. Maybe you were overlooked as the new raid leader or not everyone recognizes your prowess in the arena? Luckily, the latter half of your day gets better and someone will appreciate just how awesome you are. Sure, your admirer is a level 6 noob but why are you standing around in Goldshire anyway?
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
The best way for you to celebrate this holiday Virgo is to reconnect with someone from your past? That does not mean spy on them with an alt. You will want to kerb your voyeuristic ways Virgo and actually have a chat. A Gemini will annoy you at some point today but don’t worry, the vote to kick him from the group will pass and all will be well again.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Libra you are naturally sweet, light and a bit airy fairy but today dark forces are at work. You are likely heading for a meltdown because that handsome hunter you’ve been flirting with is actually more interested in that undead trollop who has recently joined your guild. The good news is if you can actually decide to let him know how you feel, he may be responsive. Unless he isn’t of course.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
As the realm’s resident horn-dog you’ve had your fair share of romantic entanglements but this holiday isn’t for light hearted flirting. You are feeling the need for solid relationships lately but beware Scorpio, jealousy and secrecy is in the cards. You are doomed. DOOMED!
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
Today is a bit of an off day for you Sagittarius. Normally you are quite fiery but you aren’t feeling very playful today. The best thing you can do in the first part of the day is hang out in your favourite farming spot. Your evening will brighten up a bit and you might feel like being social again. However, social doesn’t mean yelling at people in BGs because they aren’t doing things your way.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You are far too reasonable for the romantic notion of love today Capricorn. Your day should likely be spent in the psychiatrist office but if that isn’t a possibility you may want to clean out your bank and bags in a pre-emptive spring cleaning strike. Seriously though, you will want to see someone about those unresolved issues.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Love is in the air, Aquarius. No, really, The Love is in the Air event has started. You will want to get those achievements done. It’s not like you have anything better to do.
Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
You are usually a very romantic type, Pisces, but today you are feeling ignored and possibly even disrespected. You are the DPS that has to sit out of tonight’s raid and you’ve gotten your knickers in a twist over it. You are the one who chose to play a subpar rogue after all. One word Pisces: /gquit.