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Hippopotamus

I didn't know if there was one of these, I thought there was but.... post your jokes!

I found this in my 'Joke of the Day' email. Thought it was pretty funny.



A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,
"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY." The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."

zamwini

Haha, i heard that joke before.
Here is one-
One day a little girl came running up to her mom with 5 dollars in her hands. When her mom asked where she got the 5 dollars, the little girl said "Johnny paid me 5 dollars to do a cartwheel while he was up in the tree" Her mother sighed, and said "Hes only trying to see your panties. Don't do it again."
The next day, the little girl comes running to her mom with another 5 dollars in her hands. Her mother says "Oh no, You didn't do a cartwheel for johnny again, did you?" so her daughter says "I did, but this time I tricked him. I wasn't wearing any panties."

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TheRequiem

What do 2 injured cats say to each other?
Me-owch.





One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

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Hippopotamus

That reminded me of this.


It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.
'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says.
'That''s cool.' says Bobby.
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.'
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'
Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!' About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!'

Murxidon

I heard a joke today actually, about butter.

I can't tell you though, you might spread it.

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Kentaro

What's green and small?
























A FROG!!!


OMGOMGOMOLOLWTFHAHAHA xDDDDDDd ollliiiololol bauaha I'm soo funny!

Gath

This joke is slightly dirty.

A girlfriend calls her boyfriend and invites him over for dinner with her parents, and then she says she wants to make love to him. So the boyfriend goes to the drugstore and asks the pharmacist about condoms. He decides to buy the largest pack because he expects to be very busy. The pharmacist tells him all he knows about sex and condoms. So he goes to his girlfriend's house and she meets him at the door. He sits down and offers to say grace, he bows his head. Five minutes later his head is still bowed, ten minutes the same, after twenty minutes his girlfriend leans over and asks. "I never knew you were so religious." He replies. "I never knew your father was a pharmacist."

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Nichons

Three tampons are walking down the street, which one talks first?


None, they're all stuck up ****s.

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Hippopotamus

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."

The man was very upset and yelled, ''You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.''

The brother thought about it and apologized.

"So how's Mom?" asked the man.

"She's on the roof and won't come down."

lilaznboi12

One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor.

After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"

"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.

"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"

"Wow, thats great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."

About 5 minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?"

"I'm right year Doc," he said.

"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"

"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."

A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"

"Right here docta," he said.

"Wonderful news! It's-"

"Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the 7-11."

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