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Kentaro · 12-06-2008, 08:16 PM

So recently I started writing poems for the school poetry club. All the people in it really like my stuff and that kinda encouraged me to post my work here. I know it's not THAT great but feel free to post your thoughsa on it. Thank you!

The Shallow

Leave the empty space,
ascend behind the wall,
the image of staying still,
is moving when you lie.
Watermelon!
Let go, gently, now...
Oh maria! Gloria victis!
Afterimage turned to scraps,
onto duck-tape carrying thoughs,
please save the sheet,
it's now it's fault,
the folds are always in and out!
Hanky,franky also kongo,
IS but nothing in front of jongo.
SO HELP THIS FUTILE MAN IN TROUSERS,
AND live...
live...
.
.
.
stillness.

yoyoball · 12-06-2008, 09:10 PM

for some reason i really like it....its humorous yet fragile in terms of verse

Kentaro · 12-06-2008, 09:26 PM

Thanks, I poured my heart and mind into it~!

Alcatis · 12-06-2008, 11:47 PM

Holy crab, I cried and peed a little at the WATERMELON! part. That was so random. I like

12-06-2008, 08:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
Kentaro Banned Join Date: May 2006 Location: Poland Posts: 2,717 Reputation: 59	[MyPoem] So recently I started writing poems for the school poetry club. All the people in it really like my stuff and that kinda encouraged me to post my work here. I know it's not THAT great but feel free to post your thoughsa on it. Thank you! The Shallow Leave the empty space, ascend behind the wall, the image of staying still, is moving when you lie. Watermelon! Let go, gently, now... Oh maria! Gloria victis! Afterimage turned to scraps, onto duck-tape carrying thoughs, please save the sheet, it's now it's fault, the folds are always in and out! Hanky,franky also kongo, IS but nothing in front of jongo. SO HELP THIS FUTILE MAN IN TROUSERS, AND live... live... . . . stillness.

12-06-2008, 09:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
yoyoball Diddy Kong's Boxers Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: planet Zebbuloeun. Posts: 654 Reputation: 16	for some reason i really like it....its humorous yet fragile in terms of verse __________________ sincerely, yoyoball

12-06-2008, 11:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
Alcatis HopeDagger's Henchman Join Date: May 2006 Location: Sweden Posts: 1,227 Reputation: 22	Holy crab, I cried and peed a little at the WATERMELON! part. That was so random. I like __________________

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12-06-2008, 09:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Kentaro Banned Join Date: May 2006 Location: Poland Posts: 2,717 Reputation: 59	Thanks, I poured my heart and mind into it~!