Free MMORPG Forums

iamdrunk · 12-07-2008, 03:59 PM

i think the lyrics suck. you should improve your writing man. and i hope you could post the audio file here ao at least give us a link so that we could really know what we are criticizing here.

EmceeJIVE · 12-07-2008, 04:06 PM

Didn't Weezer do a song like this already?

I tried to help make your song sound better, but the outline and frame of the lyrics are already so bad, not much can be done.

It's better to keep the idea, but scrap what you've written.

hobosexual · 12-07-2008, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C~Dub

It's got a jazzy-hard rockish-carny sounding bassline. And the drumline mosly consists of cymbals and snare. I just can't get the 2nd solo right though.

EDIT: Ok, I made slight edits to it, tell me what you think.

I knew this guy once,
Name was Stevie,
He liked to shoot up the,
LSD
That's why we called him,
Mr. Stevie
Until. He just. Dropped dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[Bass solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Jacko,
He was a cracko.
Liked the smacko.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Jacko,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[2nd bass solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Hong,
He was hitter,
Of many bongs.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Hong,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[Drum/Bass finisher]

Most people don't shoot up LSD

and cracko isn't a word.

The lyrics don't really flow at all, I say you scrap them and make the song one big bass solo.

I'm sure I could find more wrong with your song (see I can rhyme too...) but I'm sick and this is pissing me off.

C~Dub · 12-07-2008, 07:35 PM

Ok, another edit. And my friend also wrote a drummer version.

I knew this guy once,
Name was Hank,
Was always wasted,
On some dank.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Hank,
Until. He just. Dropped dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[Bass solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Joker,
He was a toker.
A heavy smoker.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Joker,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[2nd bass solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Hong,
He was hitter,
Of many bongs.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Hong,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[Drum/Bass finisher]

Drum Version
I knew this guy once,
Name was Hank,
Was always wasted,
On some dank.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Hank,
Until. He just. Dropped dead.

[Drum solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Joker,
He was a toker.
A heavy smoker.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Joker,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[bass solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Hong,
He was hitter,
Of many bongs.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Hong,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[Drum finisher]

Xkarinx · 12-07-2008, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C~Dub

Ok, I've been writing a song that is based off of a jazzy-hard rock bassline, so bear with me. This is the rough draft and, hopefully, with some CC I'll be able to make a good song. Here goes.

Is This Entire World High? - Chris Wallan

I knew this guy once,
Name was Stevie,
He like smoke the,
LSD
That's why we called him,
Mr. Stevie
Until. He just. Dropped dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[Bass solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Jacko,
He was a cracko.
Like the smacko.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Jacko,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[2nd bass solo]

I knew this guy once,
Name was Hong,
He was hitter,
Of many bongs.
That's why we called him,
Mr. Hong,
Until. He just. Dropped Dead.

[Chorus]
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Why this entire world is high.
Don't know why.
Don't know why.
Is this entire world high?

[Drum/Bass finisher]

Ok, what did you think and how can improve on it?

This a serious topic?

C~Dub · 12-07-2008, 07:45 PM

Uh, yeah? What makes you think it's not serious?

TheRequiem · 12-07-2008, 07:50 PM

Its like you didn't put any thought into the song.

C~Dub · 12-07-2008, 08:03 PM

I know it's not a deep song or anything, it's not supposed to be.

Kashis · 12-07-2008, 08:05 PM

ok...C~Dub, either this is some form of a joke or you are not getting this apparently. Either way it's not funny, at all. The lyrics are garbage. I tried to say it in a nice way but that's not working. You don't need a drum version, you need to stop before people really get in and start ragging on you, hard. I gave you what you asked for as well as others which was constructive criticism and that was apparently not taken into consideration before you posted yet again...with more of the same thing we just told you to not do. No one is feeling those lyrics at all.

Let's just let this thread die....

darknight55 · 12-07-2008, 08:28 PM

You need to change the whole song, not just sentences/verses here and there..

12-07-2008, 03:59 PM	#21 (permalink)
iamdrunk Bongo Crazy Kong Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 249 Reputation: 15	i think the lyrics suck. you should improve your writing man. and i hope you could post the audio file here ao at least give us a link so that we could really know what we are criticizing here. __________________ Manny Pacquiao vs Joshua Clottey Results\|Pacquiao vs Clottey Full Fight Video\|Manny Pacquiao MTV Cribs Video

12-07-2008, 07:35 PM	#24 (permalink)
C~Dub Bladin's Sword Sharpener Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,139 Reputation: 22	Ok, another edit. And my friend also wrote a drummer version. I knew this guy once, Name was Hank, Was always wasted, On some dank. That's why we called him, Mr. Hank, Until. He just. Dropped dead. [Chorus] Don't know why. Don't know why. Why this entire world is high. Don't know why. Don't know why. Is this entire world high? [Bass solo] I knew this guy once, Name was Joker, He was a toker. A heavy smoker. That's why we called him, Mr. Joker, Until. He just. Dropped Dead. [Chorus] Don't know why. Don't know why. Why this entire world is high. Don't know why. Don't know why. Is this entire world high? [2nd bass solo] I knew this guy once, Name was Hong, He was hitter, Of many bongs. That's why we called him, Mr. Hong, Until. He just. Dropped Dead. [Chorus] Don't know why. Don't know why. Why this entire world is high. Don't know why. Don't know why. Is this entire world high? [Drum/Bass finisher] Drum Version I knew this guy once, Name was Hank, Was always wasted, On some dank. That's why we called him, Mr. Hank, Until. He just. Dropped dead. [Drum solo] I knew this guy once, Name was Joker, He was a toker. A heavy smoker. That's why we called him, Mr. Joker, Until. He just. Dropped Dead. [bass solo] I knew this guy once, Name was Hong, He was hitter, Of many bongs. That's why we called him, Mr. Hong, Until. He just. Dropped Dead. [Chorus] Don't know why. Don't know why. Why this entire world is high. Don't know why. Don't know why. Is this entire world high? [Drum finisher] __________________

12-07-2008, 07:45 PM	#26 (permalink)
C~Dub Bladin's Sword Sharpener Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,139 Reputation: 22	Uh, yeah? What makes you think it's not serious? __________________

12-07-2008, 07:50 PM	#27 (permalink)
TheRequiem Firor's Fury Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: I love you. Posts: 3,072 Reputation: 30	Its like you didn't put any thought into the song. __________________

12-07-2008, 08:03 PM	#28 (permalink)
C~Dub Bladin's Sword Sharpener Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,139 Reputation: 22	I know it's not a deep song or anything, it's not supposed to be. __________________

12-07-2008, 04:06 PM	#22 (permalink)
EmceeJIVE Banned Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 254 Reputation: 31	Didn't Weezer do a song like this already? I tried to help make your song sound better, but the outline and frame of the lyrics are already so bad, not much can be done. It's better to keep the idea, but scrap what you've written.

12-07-2008, 08:05 PM	#29 (permalink)
Kashis OnRPG Elite Member! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Plainfield, New Jersey Posts: 5,021 Reputation: 150	ok...C~Dub, either this is some form of a joke or you are not getting this apparently. Either way it's not funny, at all. The lyrics are garbage. I tried to say it in a nice way but that's not working. You don't need a drum version, you need to stop before people really get in and start ragging on you, hard. I gave you what you asked for as well as others which was constructive criticism and that was apparently not taken into consideration before you posted yet again...with more of the same thing we just told you to not do. No one is feeling those lyrics at all. Let's just let this thread die.... __________________ "Rules do not exist to bind you, they exist so you may know your freedoms" "Death is blind. It comes for all souls regardless of their worth (or lack thereof)." Be careful of what you say, tomorrow or today, for the words you now speak, may become the poison your enemies later seek; truth. The only difference between a good idea and a bad idea is presentation. http://myanimelist.net/animelist/Kashis

12-07-2008, 08:28 PM	#30 (permalink)
darknight55 Olpah's Object Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,748 Reputation: 51	You need to change the whole song, not just sentences/verses here and there..

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode