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yoyoball · 01-21-2009, 02:45 AM

If you aren't a reader than sorry.

heres a short preview of sumthing written by me. it isnt proofread or anything it still needs more of an intro and etc. etc.

BUT, i wanted to ask you, how long did you have to read to figure out (something general and kinda obvious in the story)

Just want to know. if you have no idea wat im talking about (its not a trick or a riddle or anything) then just say wat u discover about the story and how long you read into it until you found that out.

thanks!

“My condolences, Shaphee...” said the dull, grim and croaky voice. The sense of mournful depression omitting from his voice made Shaphee feel sorry for him herself.
“No worries, Ramonne...her branches were...well, snapping away by the piece anyway...her time has come, and she was sent to the heavens, not alone, of course...” this voice was more wispy, sharp with the chill fall air that swept about the browning forest of bare trees and leafless vicinity.
“Yes...she has been taken cordially with the Leaf Gods, spiritually nested upon the branches of eternal peace...she has met her fragile destination, and has met a more calm, restful after-life. May the Leaf Gods bless her every blossomed branch and unraveled twigs...” said the croaky voice of Ramonne.
The two figures stood there, bowing their heads in resting worship. Poor, poor old Daully Shaphee rendered her thoughts aloud with the only one she could communicate with, and that was Ramonne. He had always shred his branches next to her since he was a tiny root. Ramonne was planted at that spot by destiny, they had thought, destiny that brought them both together, both in this life and the next eternal one.
The Leaf Gods would understand, for their better judgment suggested that Dolly Shaphee and Coaris Ramonne are two of a kind, admiring each other's every growth, caressing each other's barks every sun-down and sun-up.
On this day, they both gathered their leaf-less branches and held each other for the saddest time of all, and that was the unfortunate passing-away of Elder Dolly Shaphee Twigspert.

~

“Shaphee...” said the clearly emotional voice of Sean, wandering by airily across the leaf-infested dirt pathway that came from the park. He always stopped by on his remote walks daily to greet his two best friends. Friends he had known since he was as little as he could remember; when he could climb Ramonne's thick branches before they perched and drooped down suddenly of old age. And when he could remember attaching a swing above Shaphee's happy, glowing face...it was all in times of happiness and emotional confrontation, when Sean could also remember going to them both for advice.
It was until the day before when Sean received news of Elder Dolly Shaphee Twigspert and her removal from afore the town hall, standing pleasant, old, but tall and spiritual, glowing merrily when her branches reached the winds, her wooden face was like a carved angel on an ice statue.
“Yes, my son...?” said Shaphee with the little energy she had from the previous day of mournful sorrow.
The difference between Sean and the bright, old couple was their ears, of course, and their arms and legs. Humans could move about, therefor Sean could foretell the many stories he gathered from town and bring them news. As for Ramonne and Shaphee, their only freedom was swaying conditionally at random intervals when the wind had blown or a branch would crack.
“I'm afraid I have more unfortunate news...” started Sean, wondrously aiming his eyes anywhere but Shaphee's face.

Popsai · 01-21-2009, 08:32 AM

?

daroth · 01-21-2009, 08:42 AM

The Whomping Willow?

VinalTat · 01-21-2009, 09:24 AM

A very good story. Did you really write it yourself? Its amazing

kait0s · 01-21-2009, 10:26 AM

Its an amazing little story you got there.

Tho im still confused on what you wanna hear

yoyoball · 01-21-2009, 07:55 PM

Yup, you guys got it right, they're trees, but what i want to know is, how far did you read into it before you found out lol.

and thanks, still needs work.

although they arent exactly the whomping willow from HP...

to be specific they are black locusts (Robinia pseudoacacia) :]

power_gamer_6 · 01-21-2009, 07:59 PM

Um, I read to "No worries, Ramonne... her branches were..." etc.
Then I read "he always shared his branches with her etc., etc." and I knew I was right.

BGLamb · 01-21-2009, 08:13 PM

Yup, I think it was the second line that did it for me too. You can be a lot more subtle than that. There's a very good short story by Iain M Banks in the same vein. It's called Odd Attatchment.

""A wickedly funny look at a lovestuck alien vegetable, complete with a punchline that will leave all male readers wincing.""

01-21-2009, 02:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
yoyoball Diddy Kong's Boxers Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: planet Zebbuloeun. Posts: 654 Reputation: 16	Could you guess beforehand? ~ If you aren't a reader than sorry. heres a short preview of sumthing written by me. it isnt proofread or anything it still needs more of an intro and etc. etc. BUT, i wanted to ask you, how long did you have to read to figure out (something general and kinda obvious in the story) Just want to know. if you have no idea wat im talking about (its not a trick or a riddle or anything) then just say wat u discover about the story and how long you read into it until you found that out. thanks! “My condolences, Shaphee...” said the dull, grim and croaky voice. The sense of mournful depression omitting from his voice made Shaphee feel sorry for him herself. “No worries, Ramonne...her branches were...well, snapping away by the piece anyway...her time has come, and she was sent to the heavens, not alone, of course...” this voice was more wispy, sharp with the chill fall air that swept about the browning forest of bare trees and leafless vicinity. “Yes...she has been taken cordially with the Leaf Gods, spiritually nested upon the branches of eternal peace...she has met her fragile destination, and has met a more calm, restful after-life. May the Leaf Gods bless her every blossomed branch and unraveled twigs...” said the croaky voice of Ramonne. The two figures stood there, bowing their heads in resting worship. Poor, poor old Daully Shaphee rendered her thoughts aloud with the only one she could communicate with, and that was Ramonne. He had always shred his branches next to her since he was a tiny root. Ramonne was planted at that spot by destiny, they had thought, destiny that brought them both together, both in this life and the next eternal one. The Leaf Gods would understand, for their better judgment suggested that Dolly Shaphee and Coaris Ramonne are two of a kind, admiring each other's every growth, caressing each other's barks every sun-down and sun-up. On this day, they both gathered their leaf-less branches and held each other for the saddest time of all, and that was the unfortunate passing-away of Elder Dolly Shaphee Twigspert. ~ “Shaphee...” said the clearly emotional voice of Sean, wandering by airily across the leaf-infested dirt pathway that came from the park. He always stopped by on his remote walks daily to greet his two best friends. Friends he had known since he was as little as he could remember; when he could climb Ramonne's thick branches before they perched and drooped down suddenly of old age. And when he could remember attaching a swing above Shaphee's happy, glowing face...it was all in times of happiness and emotional confrontation, when Sean could also remember going to them both for advice. It was until the day before when Sean received news of Elder Dolly Shaphee Twigspert and her removal from afore the town hall, standing pleasant, old, but tall and spiritual, glowing merrily when her branches reached the winds, her wooden face was like a carved angel on an ice statue. “Yes, my son...?” said Shaphee with the little energy she had from the previous day of mournful sorrow. The difference between Sean and the bright, old couple was their ears, of course, and their arms and legs. Humans could move about, therefor Sean could foretell the many stories he gathered from town and bring them news. As for Ramonne and Shaphee, their only freedom was swaying conditionally at random intervals when the wind had blown or a branch would crack. “I'm afraid I have more unfortunate news...” started Sean, wondrously aiming his eyes anywhere but Shaphee's face. __________________ sincerely, yoyoball

01-21-2009, 08:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
Popsai Shadowsworn's Sandwich Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Portugal Posts: 1,818 Reputation: 23	? __________________

01-21-2009, 10:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
kait0s OnRPG Elite Member! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: shady lurkin' duh. Looted: 1200 Bandits Posts: 4,801 Reputation: 82	Its an amazing little story you got there. Tho im still confused on what you wanna hear __________________ Livin' proof of a dying dream

01-21-2009, 07:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
yoyoball Diddy Kong's Boxers Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: planet Zebbuloeun. Posts: 654 Reputation: 16	Yup, you guys got it right, they're trees, but what i want to know is, how far did you read into it before you found out lol. and thanks, still needs work. although they arent exactly the whomping willow from HP... to be specific they are black locusts (Robinia pseudoacacia) :] __________________ sincerely, yoyoball

01-21-2009, 07:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
power_gamer_6 Théoden, King of Rohan Join Date: May 2006 Location: The Realm of Rohan Posts: 7,678 Reputation: 186	Um, I read to "No worries, Ramonne... her branches were..." etc. Then I read "he always shared his branches with her etc., etc." and I knew I was right. __________________ click here

01-21-2009, 08:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
daroth Cloud13's Clown Join Date: May 2006 Location: Tennessee Posts: 2,819 Reputation: 36	The Whomping Willow?

01-21-2009, 09:24 AM	#4 (permalink)
VinalTat Fat Bowser Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 198 Reputation: 10	A very good story. Did you really write it yourself? Its amazing

01-21-2009, 08:13 PM	#8 (permalink)
BGLamb You +1 Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,134 Reputation: 69	Yup, I think it was the second line that did it for me too. You can be a lot more subtle than that. There's a very good short story by Iain M Banks in the same vein. It's called Odd Attatchment. ""A wickedly funny look at a lovestuck alien vegetable, complete with a punchline that will leave all male readers wincing."" __________________ Last edited by BGLamb; 01-21-2009 at 08:15 PM.

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