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BGLamb · 04-17-2009, 09:23 AM

MICROSOFT has confirmed that its new Windows 7 operating system will allow users to interact with their computer by punching it in its bast*rding face.

'Install updates again, I f*cking dare you'
The software giant said it had invested hundreds of millions of dollars in state-of-the-art features which will help users communicate their rage in a physical way which the computer can then analyse and respond to, instead of just designing a programme that was not a frustrating, overpriced sack of sh*t.

IT expert Tom Logan said: "Windows 7 will offer real-time, multi-platform cross-functionality, which basically means it will be useless not just on your PC and your laptop, but on your mobile phone as well.

"But the key difference from Microsoft Vista is that it will let out pathetic, hitch-pitched yelps when you batter it repeatedly with a shoe."

Logan added: "If punch-screen is a success we could eventually dispense with the keyboard and mouse altogether and you'll be able to accidentally wipe all your files just by screaming at the monitor and waving your arms about like a maniac."

The technology has also been incorporated into Microsoft's 'WifeAlert', an add-on which will allow furtive users to instantly replace hardcore Malaysian pornography with the RSPCA website via nothing more than a panicked slap of the hand.

Meanwhile the BBC said it would explore ways of integrating punch-screen with its live broadcasts.

A spokesman said: "You could spank Tim Lovejoy in the face during Something For The Weekend and via a series of high-speed interactive feeds we could make sure he felt it."

From The Daily Mash

Fatigue · 04-17-2009, 10:58 AM

Is this a joke?

hobolord · 04-17-2009, 11:01 AM

where do i sign up for wife alert?

Valostar · 04-17-2009, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fatigue

Is this a joke?

I'm just going to say yes..

Celor · 04-17-2009, 11:28 AM

...
Dude, that'd be hilarious.
I mean, I'd enjoy it. Every time my computer would freeze: "WORK YOU SON OF A *****!" *WHAM* "OW FUUUUUUUU-- MY HANNNDDDDDD!!!"

...

Bacn · 04-17-2009, 11:29 AM

I'm still waiting for my "crash" button.

Oisterboy · 04-17-2009, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fatigue

Is this a joke?

I'm gonna pretend like you didn't even say that...

Pluto · 04-17-2009, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fatigue

Is this a joke?

No, it's very true.

Pok · 04-17-2009, 01:41 PM

As much as people knock windows (and especially vista), I've had surprisingly few problems with it.

Oisterboy · 04-17-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pok

As much as people knock windows (and especially vista), I've had surprisingly few problems with it.

Except that horrible confiker virus that is destroying millions of peoples PC's as we speak...

04-17-2009, 09:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
BGLamb You +1 Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,134 Reputation: 69	Windows 7 To Include Punch-Screen Technology MICROSOFT has confirmed that its new Windows 7 operating system will allow users to interact with their computer by punching it in its bastrding face. 'Install updates again, I fcking dare you'** The software giant said it had invested hundreds of millions of dollars in state-of-the-art features which will help users communicate their rage in a physical way which the computer can then analyse and respond to, instead of just designing a programme that was not a frustrating, overpriced sack of sht. IT expert Tom Logan said: "Windows 7 will offer real-time, multi-platform cross-functionality, which basically means it will be useless not just on your PC and your laptop, but on your mobile phone as well. "But the key difference from Microsoft Vista is that it will let out pathetic, hitch-pitched yelps when you batter it repeatedly with a shoe." Logan added: "If punch-screen is a success we could eventually dispense with the keyboard and mouse altogether and you'll be able to accidentally wipe all your files just by screaming at the monitor and waving your arms about like a maniac." The technology has also been incorporated into Microsoft's 'WifeAlert', an add-on which will allow furtive users to instantly replace hardcore Malaysian pornography with the RSPCA website via nothing more than a panicked slap of the hand. Meanwhile the BBC said it would explore ways of integrating punch-screen with its live broadcasts. A spokesman said: "You could spank Tim Lovejoy in the face during Something For The Weekend* and via a series of high-speed interactive feeds we could make sure he felt it." From The Daily Mash __________________

04-17-2009, 11:28 AM	#5 (permalink)
Celor Lives in City of Zeroes Join Date: May 2006 Location: USA: Frederick, MD Reputation: Psychopath ^-^ Posts: 656 Reputation: 10	... Dude, that'd be hilarious. I mean, I'd enjoy it. Every time my computer would freeze: "WORK YOU SON OF A ****!" WHAM* "OW FUUUUUUUU-- MY HANNNDDDDDD!!!" ... __________________ Celor Joined: Jun 07, 2005 Posts: 1525 Waiting for: [SIZE="2"]Dragon Nest, Rusty Hearts, Last Online Currently playing: BBIWY

04-17-2009, 11:29 AM	#6 (permalink)
Bacn It's Bacon!!! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Dogenzaka Hill Posts: 7,867 Reputation: 228	I'm still waiting for my "crash" button. __________________ First Came The Question Then Came The Answer

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04-17-2009, 11:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
hobolord Roon's Rogue Join Date: May 2006 Location: australia Posts: 4,310 Reputation: 68	where do i sign up for wife alert?