Free MMORPG Forums

Ishiana · 09-12-2009, 08:58 PM

OOC: Since I got bored and suddenly felt the urge to write a story, I was thinking of Starting to write a story here on the ONRPG forums. I'll be trying to post weekly chapters here since I also got school. You are free to post compliments or ideas if you like it. Well with that said, let's begin!

Chapter 1: The Legends Begin.

Welcome to the world of Hanilia, a world where races live equally and trust each other. But, four years ago. An anceint evil rose from the depths of the earth and started to wreak havoc across the land of Hanilia. The four greatest races that inahbited the land split up into four groups, one for each race. The Diplomatic Humans who lives in the region of Anebem. The Sceintific Goblins who lives in Gariro. The Bold Dwarves that lives in the region Dafron. And the Sacred Undead, who never finds rest and peace in the region of Aigarda. As the four races battled each other and the evil. Alot of the land has been taken by the evil. In this world, peace never sets place.
Atleast everyone thought...

We join our first disciple of the gods in the lands of Aigarde. Her name is Hebihime. ''Don't wander too far to the east Hebihime!'' Yelled Hebihimes Mother. ''I won't!'' Yells Hebihime back. Hebihime is an undead at the age of 15 who often runs arrends for her mother. Hebihime usually goes into the forest borderland to the human regions. Hebihime goes down the road towards the forest when she meets her friend Gald, the undead dwarf. ''You going to the forest again Hebihime?'' Gald asks. ''Mhm, I need to go get some snake-mushrooms for moms soup tonight.'' Hebihime answers. ''You mean the famous Narusawa Snake-mushroom soup? Everyone loves that soup.'' Happily says. Hebihime and Gald laughs all the way down to the forest. ''Time to go off the road.'' Hebihime says. ''Mhm.'' Gald Answers. Hebihime goes left off the path Gald takes the right path. Hebihime goes a long way until she finds some mushrooms. When she's about to pick them. Suddenly! Two goblins comes forth behind the trees and notices Hebihime. Hebihime draws her knife but too late! The goblins already pulled their big maces and clubs Hebihime hard in the head to knock her out.

Gald, turns back to look after Hebihime. When he sees her basket lying on the ground no sign of her. He fears the worst. (Continued tomorrow or even in one week.)

Xenonight2 · 09-12-2009, 09:08 PM

Wrong forum, moved to General.

Roleplaying forum is for Roleplaying only, not general writing.

Good luck with the story.

Also, a tip: When writing dialogue, add a line break between speakers.

For example

"hello, cate" john said. "hello john," said cate.

Should become:

"hello, cate," john said.

"hello john," cate said.

Ithian · 09-13-2009, 12:19 AM

My opinions: Don't be so blunt. Extra detail and commentary is always wonderful. I don't mean go overboard with pointless ranting on the color of her hair and how it flowed perfectly with the wind, but you know what I mean. Just something more than "this is a person. This is their name."

Ishiana · 09-13-2009, 08:22 AM

thanks for the advice.
I'll think of that till next week.

bonneau_14 · 09-13-2009, 07:59 PM

Are you writing a story or a novel?

heres a tip: Do not start writing until you can think of history, a general direction you want to go in, personalities for the protaganists, geoagraphy of the world, and so on... spend a lot of time on this.

I'm assuming you are writing a story in a fantasy world.

Deimos · 09-13-2009, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ishiana

(Continued tomorrow or even in one week.)

some questions:

1 - how old are you
2 - is english your first language
3 - do you have any form of brain damage

Ishiana · 09-14-2009, 07:30 PM

1- Why should I tell you that?
2- No I am from Japan but I moved to sweden.
and 3-What the heck is that kind of question?

Xenonight2 · 09-14-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ishiana

1- Why should I tell you that?
2- No I am from Japan but I moved to sweden.
and 3-What the heck is that kind of question?

He's joking.

Don't worry, that Deimos all bark and no bite. He's an old man who lost his teeth, you see, so the most he can do is get your arm wet.

Anyway, I want Chapter 2, please!!

Deimos · 09-14-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ishiana

1- Why should I tell you that?

because if you are 15 or older then i dont think you should ever put pen to paper ever again.

that story is terrible.

sorry.

Xenonight2 · 09-14-2009, 09:04 PM

Well, I'm still looking forward to Chapter 2.

You just go be a mean old toothless grouch, Deimos.

09-12-2009, 08:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ishiana Marios's Mustache Wax Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Sweden Posts: 6 Reputation: 10	Legends of Hanilia OOC: Since I got bored and suddenly felt the urge to write a story, I was thinking of Starting to write a story here on the ONRPG forums. I'll be trying to post weekly chapters here since I also got school. You are free to post compliments or ideas if you like it. Well with that said, let's begin! Chapter 1: The Legends Begin. Welcome to the world of Hanilia, a world where races live equally and trust each other. But, four years ago. An anceint evil rose from the depths of the earth and started to wreak havoc across the land of Hanilia. The four greatest races that inahbited the land split up into four groups, one for each race. The Diplomatic Humans who lives in the region of Anebem. The Sceintific Goblins who lives in Gariro. The Bold Dwarves that lives in the region Dafron. And the Sacred Undead, who never finds rest and peace in the region of Aigarda. As the four races battled each other and the evil. Alot of the land has been taken by the evil. In this world, peace never sets place. Atleast everyone thought... We join our first disciple of the gods in the lands of Aigarde. Her name is Hebihime. ''Don't wander too far to the east Hebihime!'' Yelled Hebihimes Mother. ''I won't!'' Yells Hebihime back. Hebihime is an undead at the age of 15 who often runs arrends for her mother. Hebihime usually goes into the forest borderland to the human regions. Hebihime goes down the road towards the forest when she meets her friend Gald, the undead dwarf. ''You going to the forest again Hebihime?'' Gald asks. ''Mhm, I need to go get some snake-mushrooms for moms soup tonight.'' Hebihime answers. ''You mean the famous Narusawa Snake-mushroom soup? Everyone loves that soup.'' Happily says. Hebihime and Gald laughs all the way down to the forest. ''Time to go off the road.'' Hebihime says. ''Mhm.'' Gald Answers. Hebihime goes left off the path Gald takes the right path. Hebihime goes a long way until she finds some mushrooms. When she's about to pick them. Suddenly! Two goblins comes forth behind the trees and notices Hebihime. Hebihime draws her knife but too late! The goblins already pulled their big maces and clubs Hebihime hard in the head to knock her out. Gald, turns back to look after Hebihime. When he sees her basket lying on the ground no sign of her. He fears the worst. (Continued tomorrow or even in one week.)

09-12-2009, 09:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
Xenonight2 POPOPOPGOESTHEGLOCKGLOCK Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 8,335 Reputation: 321	Wrong forum, moved to General. Roleplaying forum is for Roleplaying only, not general writing. Good luck with the story. Also, a tip: When writing dialogue, add a line break between speakers. For example "hello, cate" john said. "hello john," said cate. Should become: "hello, cate," john said. "hello john," cate said. __________________

09-13-2009, 12:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ithian Power_Gamer_6's Pick Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 2,430 Reputation: 43	My opinions: Don't be so blunt. Extra detail and commentary is always wonderful. I don't mean go overboard with pointless ranting on the color of her hair and how it flowed perfectly with the wind, but you know what I mean. Just something more than "this is a person. This is their name." __________________

09-14-2009, 09:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
Xenonight2 POPOPOPGOESTHEGLOCKGLOCK Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 8,335 Reputation: 321	Well, I'm still looking forward to Chapter 2. You just go be a mean old toothless grouch, Deimos. __________________

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

09-13-2009, 08:22 AM	#4 (permalink)
Ishiana Marios's Mustache Wax Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Sweden Posts: 6 Reputation: 10	thanks for the advice. I'll think of that till next week.

09-13-2009, 07:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
bonneau_14 Banned Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 3,142 Reputation: 101	Are you writing a story or a novel? heres a tip: Do not start writing until you can think of history, a general direction you want to go in, personalities for the protaganists, geoagraphy of the world, and so on... spend a lot of time on this. I'm assuming you are writing a story in a fantasy world.

09-14-2009, 07:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
Ishiana Marios's Mustache Wax Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Sweden Posts: 6 Reputation: 10	1- Why should I tell you that? 2- No I am from Japan but I moved to sweden. and 3-What the heck is that kind of question?