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MILLIONS of British men last night admitted they would give anything to be a 15 year-old pupil at an all-girls private school.

'Jazz club'

As blonde, slim teacher Helen Goddard was jailed for having an affair with one of her students, men across Britain said the teenager was the luckiest junior lesbian in the world.

Tom Logan, from Finsbury Park, said: "That young lady has, perhaps unwittingly, been living my dream.

"There is absolutely nothing I would not give to be a curious teenager at an upmarket school surrounded by other girls who are all discovering their sexuality while under the supervision of a lithe, sexy music teacher who specialises in jazz.

"I would keep forging a new birth certificate so that I never had to leave."

Julian Cook, from Hatfield, added: "They are going to make a film out of this and it is going to be fantastic."

Meanwhile experts said Goddard could now add her name to one of the longest lists in Britain.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "We estimate that Ms Goddard is at least the 34 millionth person in Britain to have had sexual relations with a consenting 15 year-old.

"Unfortunately for her she is a schoolteacher and is therefore not allowed to think the same thoughts as normal people. But the really sad thing is, she is being jailed for having lesbian sex, which everyone knows isn't even proper sex."

Nathan Muir, a 34 year-old accountant from Peterborough, said: "Yes indeed, my name is on that list, as are the names of all my friends, most of the people in my office and just about everyone I was at school with."

He added: "Perhaps it was irresponsible of me to have sex with a 15 year-old girl but I've just always had this thing for older women."


True story.

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MerkaMerka

Is that a girl? if so, DAYUM THAT CHIN!!

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Sparks Kincade

I wish I was a 15 year old girl...

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Deimos

she looks very masculine. cant see her body but i wouldnt describe her as "lithe"


also, weird article.

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Groteske

Gender is such a cruel thing.

Why can't humans be androgynous?

Edit: lol Men wanna be girls just so they could be lesbians...that's retarded.

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Veron

Who the hell interviewed 4chan

MrTingTing

this.

i don't want to be a pubescent zitmonster with menstruation problems tbh ;/

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Paladuck

Is this supposed to be the British version of The Onion, because its pretty awful. I didn't even realize the article was a parody until I read it a second time.

Maybe I just don't get British humor (humour)

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Groteske

I stare at this pic long enough and my mind starts to give her a mustache. This pic has to be edited.....just has to. I mean I have seen ugly women before, but not a lot of women that look so much like a man that it's almost like an illusion. It's like my mind is playing tricks on me.

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Paladin Catling

I wish I was a humanoid shemale unicorn with thirty tentacles sprouting out of my armpits.

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