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kain222

Dear ONRPG,

First off, I'd like to say:

Mods, feel free to *****-slap me silly if this is in the wrong topic, or is not allowed.

But yeah - I write quite a lot in my spare time, I haven’t been able to do much narrative lately due to exams and such where I've been horrifyingly busy and procrastinated enough about my own revision, which means I procrastinated in extra amounts in regard to my writing.

HYENYWAY. I keep my poems on this page right here: http://allpoetry.com/Harvey_Randall
And would really appreciate if you nuke the hell out of my musings with constructive criticism so I can improve upon myself. : )

Cheers.
Lots of love,
- Kain.

P.S: Why do you never open your eyes when we make love anymore?
P.P.S: Don't forget to pick up your bras next time you come over, you've no idea how awkward that was to explain to my wife.

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Serebii

Wow, you actually don't suck. Kudos for that. I even found myself enjoying a few of the pieces. Some of them could be really strong if they were read in a poetry slam-type thing. I forget what people call it exactly, but they can be very powerful.

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TheSkald

Hey man this is pretty good stuff. Props to you. I've tried my hand at writing but then I realized I couldn't write.

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Darkhell153

I'll not ***** about it being in the wrong section just because you don't suck

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olaph

Must..resist..urge..to...wtfpwn...

YouTube Video

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Raiyne

Not bad at all. I like 'To Everyone'.

Gets derivative sometimes, though.

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kain222

Thank you all! : )

And yes, they tend to - I don't do much to the poem after I write it, save spellchecking and making sure it actually makes a whole lot of sense. Most of the time I'm just in the moment when writing them so often I'll go off on a tangent. Very few of them do I write whilst not in that kind of state - usually when I have a pre-defined point to get off, or if I'm working off a prompt.

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Ronin

http://www.indiauncut.com/iublog/art...for-beginners/

Unessential
inquires
personify
luminescence
enigma
uncertainties
manipulated
adolescence
self-consciousness
philosophize
reminiscing
fallacies
subsided
reinvent
chivalrous
Cumbersome
lethargic
reciprocal
contradictory
contradictions
cataclysm
deliverance
condensed
displacement
indignant
rebuttal
masquerade
melodramatic

That's my very own opinion, but most of those words (I picked quickly and without examining context much) should only and without exception be used, if you want to express the special meaning it has, if you fully stand by the image it creates, because it is necessary and important.
If not use more everyday language and more "lines".

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Max Pen

Its quit good.

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Hatashi

Its not bad, but some words did cause some confusion.