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95R

I'll probably get banned, but before I do, I'd like to leave this.

I probably have been an asshole to some of the people here, sometimes without reason and the other time I had my reasons.
I've made a lot of shitty and non-meaningfull posts and threads that didn't contribute any shit to this community I enjoyed to be with in my free-time.

I'd like to say I have changed a little bit, maybe not a little bit but a lot but that doesn't really matter, I want to start explaining why I was an asshole and why I usually disregard other peoples emotions and feelings.

Basiclly I was born in a war shit-torn country where in the time I was born (1995) was a very little chance of surviving, and even more since of the things I have experienced and the people I have met.

Here's a little memory of the war that I still have as a clear movie in my mind.

The very first thing that made me realize war had started. My grandmother took me to the market, where they sell all kinds of stuff, it was war but there were safe places and such, she got me chewing gum and after she had gotten groceries we returned to her home, I was around six years old, we see the door being open and we slowly look inside, she sees feet, with camo pants or how you call them, and a pool of blood a few cm's further from the feet, knowing there isn't anything else to do then just entering and seeing whats going in she decides to open the door further, I see two Russian soldiers lying dead (From what it seemed) on the floor, one shot right in his forehead and the other to his temple of just the side of his head, and on the table there are three bottles of Vodka, grandmother made the assumption one first killed his fellow soldier and then himself because of the amount of alcohol they had taken, I couldn't sleep for a few days, my first encounter with what I would call, well, the consequences of war.


The worst thing was what my dad told me. He was at his neighbors and they had a girl, around age thirteen. My dad was talking to the neighbour which was a very good friend of my dad, about if they should stay and wait until things got back to slightly normal or escape and immigrate somewhere else, while this was happening a few Russian soldiers showed up, two cars I think, can't exactly remember every detail of it, back in the worst days of war, the soldiers would visit regular homes and kill the people they thought were part of the resistance, the girl was the only one outside at this time and when she saw them coming shouted in Chechen to her father to ''Get out, soldiers are at the door'', there were a lot of times when this happened and everyone knew ''visits'' from Russian soldiers result in the males of the family usually being killed, and so did this girl, one soldier grabbed her while the other tried asking her and forcing information out of her as they knew her father already fled the place, my dad told me he took a back exit out of the house, but he never said if he survived, I never heard anything about the family anymore, since the girl would not speak the soldier decided to get one of his knifes, not sure what kind, did ask back then, and started cutting the girls fingers, I don't know why no one got out, my father wasn't in the house at that time, and I don't think they knew the girl was still outside, but after that its all vague memory about it, my father told me this when I asked him where our neighbors wen't because they usually visited us. Just to clarify, me and my family were in the ''safer'' lets say, village of Chechnya, shit still happened there and such but my family except for my uncle were safe because there were no tracks leading to my mother or father back in the early days of war. Now this was the worst I've heard of. There was nothing that I've seen that was remotely good, at least, not that I remember of.


This was a few weeks later, can't entirely recall, but like I said, I lived in the more 'safer' place in Chehnya the region was called 'Nadterechnaya' because of the river Terek, so its like 'Near terek' in English. I was outside because it was very hot inside and I don't think there was cooling in homes, my father and uncle were sitting on these types of out-door summer tables and chairs (Forgive my English, its my fourth language) and I was just looking around to see stuff that I could entertain myself with, I had this soccer ball but I had played enough with it, the moment I want to walk inside to my mother I hear cars coming which was unusual in our lets say 'village', I again see men in camo and start yelling all kind of shit to my father and uncle to get out, they are going to hurt you and whatnot, there were three cars and something like eight or nine Russian soldiers, they have a calm talk with my uncle first while my dad is standing with the other soldiers trying to figure out what he could do to just get them to leave, exactly a minute later I see the soldier talking to my uncle take out a handgun, place it to my uncles head and he fires, my dad turns around but gets knocked out by what seemed to be a AK47 rifle which was the most common used gun, the soldier that just killed my uncle stares into my eyes as he kind of cleans his gun, not sure what he did and walks back tot their cars (military cars) and I turn around to the house just to see everyone staring out the window trying to get a grasp on what just had happened, I was still in shock and too scared to run over to my dad and uncle since the soldiers didn't leave yet they discussed something in the car and left, later that day I picked up a conversation with my father saying they mixed up my uncle with someone from the resistance.

Since I was six years old I haven't seen my father, I'm sixteem years old now and my father died a month ago, he couldnt fight liver and lung cancer and doed a painfull death. He waned to fly to France so he could see me for the last time here in The Netherlands but couldn't.

Alrigh, thats my story, I don't feel like ****ed up or weird in a mental sense because of all this, but who knows, I always freeze and get shocked when I see a soldier in uniform (in the real world, not on images on the Internet) so I guess thats a side effect.

To get here in The Netherlands I had to go like this,
Chechnya -> Russia -> Dubai -> Iran -> The Netherlands.
In The Netherlands I spent my time in those asylum things or how they are called until I was eleven or something like that, so you could say I didn't really have any youth to enjoy after all of this.

Even though all of the above doesn't justify my actions, I'm sorry if I have made your guys time here on OnRPG bad.

xSoulEx

Ill take it, this is ozz8888?

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95R

Well, at least some one that did not recognize me ;p.

No, this is not ozz.
What happened to him though?

Gurenbanka

Hatashi by any chance?

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Satio

I remember you, just not your username. You had a lot of personality, its understandable to get lost in yourself sometimes, we all do sometime or another. As long as you know now we're all equals then there's nothing that should really be held against you, after all were only human.

supersonix9

k then......

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xBlazex

to low points dont know you lol

95R

I'd like to say that you are actually the reason I was banned before.
I'll stop now before I get the urge to have to turn this into a discussion.

Nice to see you once again by the way.

Ezuka

I was actually expecting you to type something at the end like "This is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute to just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air."

Krivik

It's coming.

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