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Originally Posted by Ronin
I am confused, I thought he was writing an article, not discussing one.
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Oh man. Thanks Ronin! Sorry V-Opolis! I wasn't really paying attention and thought it was an article response. I'm very, very sorry.
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Originally Posted by V-Opolis
The Lone Watcher
Within my 18 years of life on this planet, I’ve never felt lonelier than when sitting in the stands at a soccer game. Sometimes it can feel like the sport doesn’t even exist. I first started to really notice the lack of attendance at soccer games my senior year of high school when I stopped playing soccer for track and field. When you’re in the stands and not on the field your world changes, you see everything in a new perspective. On the field I didn’t pay much attention to the emptiness of the stands, but while in the stands you start to notice the lack of appreciation for the world’s greatest sport.
I first started playing soccer when I was 8 years old in the trial and error stage most children go through to find the sport they will most likely play through middle and high school. I fell in love with the sport from a young age and when you were that little you didn’t care if anyone was watching or not, you just wanted to have fun and score as many goals as you could. When I got older, and started getting more serious about the sport, I started researching the possible causes for the desertion of the sport.
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In a magazine article often times personal pronouns are avoided and analysis is given as objective information. For example, "I first started to really notice the lack of attendance at soccer games my senior year of high school when I stopped playing soccer for track and field" should probably be changed to something like "The lack of attendance at soccer games occurred my senior year of high school" or "the lack of attendance at soccer games needs to be addressed. At "School X" during the championship finals the crowds present in the stands had to number in the double digits. Past statistics show..."
Magazine articles usually contain little to not personal pronouns. Sorry about that. The red parts are sections that I don't believe you need or should include. On a stretch this might quality as an Opinions piece. But even Opinions pieces strive to avoid personal bias.
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Originally Posted by V-Opulis
MLS: The start of something great?
When you think of professional American soccer, you think of the MLS (Major League Soccer). With its roots very shallow, starting in 1996, I soon realized that soccer hasn’t had a chance to get dug into American culture yet. It wasn’t until the 1994 World Cup, hosted in Salt Lake, Utah, that Americans started noticing soccer and thinking there might be something here after all. With the creation of the MLS American players had a chance to compete and test their skills on a national level, instead of only on the international level. With the 2002 World Cup nearing, American players had improved as a whole. This was seen when the United States shockingly beat Mexico and made the quarterfinals for the first time. It was now that people took soccer to a new level. Noticing that the United States had potential, the next step was to get their players into the legendary leagues of European football.
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Good but needs to be tied into introduction and be a bit more focused in topic. What is the type of size and scale are we addressing? High school soccer? World soccer? Usually most magazine articles focus on a specific section. Sometimes magazines go from a broad perspective to a narrow perspective but I don't quite feel the "tie" in between your introduction and the main body. Additionally it seems that soccer audiences are post-facto. Like Ronin said, it's hard finding out what your hook is. Are you focusing on soccer or the soccer audience?
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Originally Posted by V-Opulis
America and Europe: David and Goliath
The shouting of team anthems, flags waving, and confetti are only part of the intensity shown at European football game. Being at an English Premiere League game could be one of the most unique experiences of your life. With England’s Premiere League nearing an average of 36,000 people a game and Germany’s Bundesliga soaring with a whopping average of 42,000 fans a game, soccer is without a doubt a major part of European culture. When compared to these leagues, the MLS seems abandoned – with the spider webs showing a crickets chirping – with around 16,000 fans on average. But it is really fair to compare institutions that have several decades of history more than the MLS? Not much will get accomplished when you compare David and Goliath without seeing what will happen in the end. If American soccer is to grow it needs to be dissected without absurd comparisons, but based on what makes soccer tick in Europe that doesn’t allow American soccer to tock back.
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Here you refocus back on fans again. If this could be your main body, you could expand on it if the topic is about soccer fans and what can be done to gain greater appreciation of the sport in the United States.
Note: I apologize so much. Given that magazine articles require factual information to make arguments, you are going to need to spend some time on this assignment.