This is a very interesting story, there are a few point you should consider...
First of all, while the story may be interesting, the writing really needs help. I hate to be a grammar Nazi, but even the best of stories is ruined if it is written poorly. I suggest taking English lessons and at the very least learning proper punctuation.
Second, this is a the roleplay section, and meant solely for structured roleplays that multiple people take part in. If that was your goal from the start, then I suggest you ad a preface, detailing the rules of the RP and how other characters will fit in.
I'll give you a few days to fix this, but if you don't, then I'm going to have to lock this as spam.
|