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Old 03-23-2008, 05:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
kain222
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kratos'girl View Post
Link ran swiftly into shadow's dungeon and sliced one of shadow's guards throat."Sorry it took me so long, Serinity.I was caught up in something."He said to a girl that was tied up on a pole in the center of the room."Think fast,Link,"Shadow said,taking a bow and arrow out and aiming it at Serinity's heart.TWANG!The arrow was released and Link dashed in front of Serinity,his back facing the arrow."Why,Link?Why?"Serinity asked,tears now in her eyes."Simply because I love you,"Link replied.SMACK!The arrow hit Link and he fell to the ground,Dead.Shadow laughed evily and Sernity ripped through her chains and ripped his heart out.He too,fell to the ground,Dead.

COMMENTS PLEASE.
(( Even though the mod said only post things containing content, ill comment on that anyway

Nice bit of writeing, but your grammar could use a bit of work. try and space it out a bit. Character dialouge is usally started on a new line like this:

"Hi" Arthas Said
"Oh, hey." Replyed Garon

Because it makes it easyer to read, allso after a commer there is usally a space before the continueing sentance. Same goes for full-stops, you have good potentiol mate but the grammar makes your writeing hard to read. ))
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