Oisterboy
06-17-2007, 06:47 PM
A local paper puts out a section weekly called "News And Blues"...I always find them amusing. (it's news about retarded criminals and such). Its quite a bit of work to type these up...but, if I get a good reaction, I will do it every week for you guys.
News And Blues adopted from the Syracuse New Times
Curses, Foiled Again
Thieves who took $2.5 million in art, antiques and rugs from a San Francisco mansion apparently spent months planning the heist, according to police investigators. Posing as a moving crew, the gang pulled up in a U-Haul truck and spent two days cleaning out the house while homeowner Robert Kendrick was out of town. Two days later, police said, a member of the gang went to the home and tried to sell Kendrick some of the stolen property, claiming he spotted it at the flea market. A second man accompanied him, who Kendrick said "lectured him on his poor home security". The San Francisco Chronicle reported that Kendrick called police, then went to the flea market and spotted the U-Haul, containing more of his stolen items. Police arrested several gang members, including ringleader James Reem, 42. "He almost bragged that he organized it," inspector Denise Fabbri said.
Two dozen Hispanic men approached a vehicle at a 7-Eleven in Baltimore, MD., soliciting "underground" employment. The vehicles occupants were U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents, taking a break from an investigation. They determined that all 24 of the men were illegal aliens and arrested them.
Instant Karma
Sherriff Mike Rutherford of Kanawha Counta, W.Va., reported that a 1997 Mercury station wagon began tailgating his unmarked Jeep on interstate 64, coming "right on my bumper" at least 3 times. When the two vehicles came to an exit, the station wagon moved onto the ramp, and the driver made an obscene gesture. "He was looking directly at me, giving me the ringer", Rutherford said, "and just ran into the guardrail". After crashing, the car continued to a nearby motel, where deputies arrested Glenn Harold Vickers, 53, for driving under the influence.
Irony Illustrated
A Philadelphia fire station was closed after a fire set to emergency vehicles ablaze. Officials said the incident occurred while firefighters were using a 20-year-old pumper because their regular pumper was being repaired. Apparently, a gear slipped and the pumper lurched forward, striking a front wall. The rear wheels kept spinning, overheated and burst into flames, igniting the pumpers undercarriage. The fire spread to the medic unit parked beside it. Another engine company responded to bring the blaze under control, but both vehicles are likely "totaled". Fire commissioner Lloyed Ayres said. Three firefighters were injured.
Scam-a-Rama
Paul Appleby, 47, received 10 months in prison for fraudulently claiming disability benefits. he declared that he needed a wheelchair or walker after a back accident that forced him to retire, but prosecutors in Nottinghamshire, England, told the court that Appleby subsequently ran several road races and marathons while receiving disability payments totaling $43,800. Appleby explained that he started running to lose weight after his retirement and it "caused a massive change in his circumstances," which he admitted failing to report.
Inconvenient Truths
Inuits in northern Canada protested to the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights that greenhouse gases from the United States have warmed their Arctic territory to the point that some of the native people have had to install air conditioners.
Innocent Bystander Follies
A 17-year-old girl called police to report a stranger repeatedly ramming her car. State police and Bay County sheriff's deputies intercepted the vehicles and chased the suspect at speeds up to 90 miles per hour. When finally stopped, the 17 year old driver told police he thought the driver of the other car was his girlfriend and wanted a goodnight kiss. He said he was talking to his girlfriend on his cellphone, telling her to stop, while she kept insisting that she was stopped, which he said he could see for himself that she wasn't. The frustrated driver rear-ended the victims car about 15 times and pushed it through several stop signs.
That's Entertainment
Indian authorities ordered two television channels to apologize for an "assault to the dignity of the Father of the Nation", by showing a man dressed as Mahatma Gandhi performing a pole dance and brandishing an AK-47 rifle.
News And Blues adopted from the Syracuse New Times
Curses, Foiled Again
Thieves who took $2.5 million in art, antiques and rugs from a San Francisco mansion apparently spent months planning the heist, according to police investigators. Posing as a moving crew, the gang pulled up in a U-Haul truck and spent two days cleaning out the house while homeowner Robert Kendrick was out of town. Two days later, police said, a member of the gang went to the home and tried to sell Kendrick some of the stolen property, claiming he spotted it at the flea market. A second man accompanied him, who Kendrick said "lectured him on his poor home security". The San Francisco Chronicle reported that Kendrick called police, then went to the flea market and spotted the U-Haul, containing more of his stolen items. Police arrested several gang members, including ringleader James Reem, 42. "He almost bragged that he organized it," inspector Denise Fabbri said.
Two dozen Hispanic men approached a vehicle at a 7-Eleven in Baltimore, MD., soliciting "underground" employment. The vehicles occupants were U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents, taking a break from an investigation. They determined that all 24 of the men were illegal aliens and arrested them.
Instant Karma
Sherriff Mike Rutherford of Kanawha Counta, W.Va., reported that a 1997 Mercury station wagon began tailgating his unmarked Jeep on interstate 64, coming "right on my bumper" at least 3 times. When the two vehicles came to an exit, the station wagon moved onto the ramp, and the driver made an obscene gesture. "He was looking directly at me, giving me the ringer", Rutherford said, "and just ran into the guardrail". After crashing, the car continued to a nearby motel, where deputies arrested Glenn Harold Vickers, 53, for driving under the influence.
Irony Illustrated
A Philadelphia fire station was closed after a fire set to emergency vehicles ablaze. Officials said the incident occurred while firefighters were using a 20-year-old pumper because their regular pumper was being repaired. Apparently, a gear slipped and the pumper lurched forward, striking a front wall. The rear wheels kept spinning, overheated and burst into flames, igniting the pumpers undercarriage. The fire spread to the medic unit parked beside it. Another engine company responded to bring the blaze under control, but both vehicles are likely "totaled". Fire commissioner Lloyed Ayres said. Three firefighters were injured.
Scam-a-Rama
Paul Appleby, 47, received 10 months in prison for fraudulently claiming disability benefits. he declared that he needed a wheelchair or walker after a back accident that forced him to retire, but prosecutors in Nottinghamshire, England, told the court that Appleby subsequently ran several road races and marathons while receiving disability payments totaling $43,800. Appleby explained that he started running to lose weight after his retirement and it "caused a massive change in his circumstances," which he admitted failing to report.
Inconvenient Truths
Inuits in northern Canada protested to the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights that greenhouse gases from the United States have warmed their Arctic territory to the point that some of the native people have had to install air conditioners.
Innocent Bystander Follies
A 17-year-old girl called police to report a stranger repeatedly ramming her car. State police and Bay County sheriff's deputies intercepted the vehicles and chased the suspect at speeds up to 90 miles per hour. When finally stopped, the 17 year old driver told police he thought the driver of the other car was his girlfriend and wanted a goodnight kiss. He said he was talking to his girlfriend on his cellphone, telling her to stop, while she kept insisting that she was stopped, which he said he could see for himself that she wasn't. The frustrated driver rear-ended the victims car about 15 times and pushed it through several stop signs.
That's Entertainment
Indian authorities ordered two television channels to apologize for an "assault to the dignity of the Father of the Nation", by showing a man dressed as Mahatma Gandhi performing a pole dance and brandishing an AK-47 rifle.