Good news everyone. I didn't die in my sleep.
In fact, I feel like 50% better today. Neat.
And to answer the wife thing, since this IS the blog thread...hopefully I can finally nail all of this shut lol. I have explained it to like everyone (IRL and on onrpg) individually over the last few months.
I got really drunk with my best friends sister, and I told her I wanted to be related to my best friend. So we got married (which I'm told wasn't a legal marriage anyway). We both woke up here the next day and decided it was funny and that we'd roll with it.
We're in a completely (100%) open relationship. We both do whatever it is we want without worrying what the other will think at all, because we kinda don't care.
However, she does come over and cook me food and take care of me when I'm sick and make sure I'm not dying from alcohol poisoning. I drive her places and pick her up and take her out sometimes. We do all kinds of couple stuff, but we're not in a relationship. She sometimes stays here with me for days at a time, sometimes I won't see her for like 2 weeks.
Its easier to say "wife" than "girl who cooks me food and has sex with me sometimes but also sometimes I don't see for long periods of time that isn't in a relationship with me". I don't like to call her "girlfriend", because I feel like it couldn't be further from what she actually is. So, "wife" stuck.