Personality

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  1. #1
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    This whole post is going to be about my weird issue, You've been warned.
    Anyways I was a little off today, mainly because this girl I have a crush on is mia and my old spark has reappeared in my life. Along side this one stupid guy that has been trolling the shit out of me, not allowing me to work out during the only time I can.

    I was about to go do my daily cardio and one of my friends. Walked up to me and said "Man, you're not yourself today.". Guys I was flip'n ecstatic to hear this. Now here's why.
    My entire high school life, I've been soul searching. I've literally switched through personas my entire in high school, it got to the point where I was able to please everyone by my presence by acting the way they wanted then the next day I'd act the opposite confusing people. Nothing felt ok, I was honestly in this zone where I literally thought I didn't belong anywhere because I didn't understand myself meanless of the less other people, me. So I kept everyone at arms length and never let anyone in, except that old spark I was talking about, and I'm not going into detail about it. Now when I least expect it, I realised I've almost gained a personality. Made me have a sense of belonging, and for the rest of the day I was senselessly happy.
    I got home and everything started to dawn on me, I eventually came to think when did I start to act this to assume this persona.
    I've been thinking about it all day, and came to the conclusion it's was when problems started to settle in. Problems that I couldn't just get rid of by brushing it off and living with it, problems that I actually wanted to solve.

    I'm alittle busy right now, But I do plan on finishing this.

    TL;DR - Though I'd like you guys to read the actual post
    If you guys want to take a question or something to post about out of this. It'd be when did you find yourself exactly, and how? or Why do you act this certain way?
    I understand that everyone carries a different persona for certain situations. But answer if possible!
    Last edited by Heartyace; 12-06-2013 at 04:01 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Your average wise old person
    Your born dying anyways, so live it up
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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heartyace View Post
    I was about to go do my daily cardio and one of my friends. Walked up to me and said "Man, you're not yourself today.". Guys I was flip'n ecstatic to hear this. Now here's why.
    My entire high school life, I've been soul searching. I've literally switched through personas my entire in high school, it got to the point where I was able to please everyone by my presence by acting the way they wanted then the next day I'd act the opposite confusing people. Nothing felt ok, I was honestly in this zone where I literally thought I didn't belong anywhere because I didn't understand myself meanless of the less other people, me. So I kept everyone at arms length and never let anyone in, except that old spark I was talking about, and I'm not going into detail about it. Now when I least expect it, I realised I've almost gained a personality. Made me have a sense of belonging, and for the rest of the day I was senselessly happy.
    I got home and everything started to dawn on me, I eventually came to think when did I start to act this to assume this persona.
    I've been thinking about it all day,
    In LOVE quote from the repeating classroom:

    Quote Originally Posted by Utsuro no Hako
    I only grasped the literal truth of 'love can change the world' when I was sixteen.

    How many times have I already thought that life is just too tedious to bear, with its endless repetition of habits and habits and habits? I've seriously considered ending my life so many times—I couldn't possibly count them if I used both of my hands, or even if I used both of my feet as well.
    I was horribly bored.
    But I never gave voice to my feelings, and always behaved cheerfully. After all, it won't do you any good if you openly display such a negative attitude for everyone to see. I tried to be on good terms with everyone, which isn't all that difficult. If you avoid thinking deeply about strong points and weak points or likes and dislikes, you can get along with everyone.
    A number of people gathered around me, and they all told me the same thing.
    "You're always so cheerful. You sure are worry-free, right?"
    Ah, yes. Everyone, thank you so much for being completely deceived. Thank you so much for being ignorant of my ugliness until now. Thanks to you, I've come to want to throw everything away.
    I think I know when this boredom began.
    Each and every person is just too self-centered.
    When I exchanged email addresses with a boy and replied regularly to his emails, he got all excited and confessed to me without any encouragement on my part. When I tried to avoid ignoring a boy who was being snubbed by the other girls, he mistook it for affection on my part and confessed to me. When someone invited me to go see a movie and I only accepted because it was impolite to turn him down, he confessed to me. When I went home together with someone several times because we happened to live in the same direction, he confessed to me.
    Afterwards, they all made faces as if I were betraying them, even though they only had themselves to blame, and ended up resenting me. I was also resented by the girls who were in love with those boys. Selfish. Self-centered. I was hurt every time and became covered with scars. Eventually, I didn't even notice the new scars forming when I got hurt anymore. That's when I finally noticed—
    I'd just need to associate with each and every person halfheartedly without ever getting too involved. I'd just need to read the mood properly and converse shallowly. I would not show them my true self. I would just need to close up my shell in order to protect my delicate interior.
    And then I became bored.
    Even when I only showed them my outer shell, no one noticed any difference.
    They all said the same thing to me.
    "You're always so cheerful. You sure are worry-free, right?"
    What a wonderful success.
    You should all just disappear.

    It was an ordinary day after school. As always, I was smiling while making casual chit-chat with the strangers around me who pretended to be friends. Then, all of a sudden, without any special impetus—
    I was struck by a certain concept that suddenly gained shape, and made me think of a certain word.
    'Solitude'
    Aah, I was completely—alone.
    Alone. I see, so I was alone. Despite being surrounded by people, I was alone. I felt strangely pleased. This word fit perfectly.
    But this word promptly bared its fangs and attacked me. It was the first time I realized that such utter solitude was accompanied by pain. My chest hurt, I couldn't breathe. And even when I was finally able to take a breath, it felt as if the air were full of needles. Pain pierced my lungs. My sight turned black for a moment, and I thought that my life might as well be over. But my sight returned right away and life didn't end so easily. I didn't know what to do. I don't know. Help me. Someone, help me.
    "What's the matter?"
    Somebody had noticed my difficulties and said to me:
    "You look very happy smiling like that."
    Eh?
    I'm smiling—?
    I raised my hands to my cheeks because I couldn't understand his words.
    The corners of my lips were certainly lifted.
    "Really, you're always so cheerful. You sure are worry-free, right?"
    I laughed out loud. "Yeah, I'm happy!" I laughed. I laughed without even knowing why.
    At that moment, the people around me gradually became transparent. One by one they turned transparent. They turned transparent and disappeared, so I couldn't see them anymore. Some voices continued to address me, but I couldn't hear them anymore. Yet somehow I was still able to reply properly. I didn't get it.
    Before I knew it, the classroom was empty. I was the only one left.
    But I'm sure I was the one who made it empty.
    I rejected everyone.
    "I have an appointment, so I'll go now."
    Although I couldn't see anyone, I spoke with a smile and picked up my bag. My relationship with everyone else probably didn't require me to specifically address anyone. I should have just spoken to the wall from the start if that's how it was.

    And yet, why?
    "...Excuse me, but are you alright?"
    Although there should have been no one there, for some reason I could clearly hear those words. I had just passed the school gates when I was brought back in a flash, and everything became visible once more.
    When I turned around, I saw a boy from my class standing there, all out of breath. Apparently, he'd been chasing after me.
    His name was definitely Kazuki Hoshino. We weren't intimate, nor was he special in any way – all I knew about him was his name.
    "What do you mean?"
    As I asked that question, I realized that a strange expectation had enveloped me.
    After all, he wouldn't ask whether I'm 'alright' unless he noticed something was wrong. It meant that he might have been able to sense my transformation–something impossible even for the people who were near me and interacting with me at the time.
    "Err... how should I put it? You looked very 'distant'... or, I'm not sure, but it seemed like you weren't part of everyday life..."
    He spoke with great difficulty and couldn't get to the point at all.
    "Err... never mind if I was just reading too much into things. Sorry for saying such strange things."
    He seemed to feel awkward and was about to leave.
    "...wait a moment."
    I kept him from leaving. He inclined his head slightly and looked at me.
    "E-err..."
    I might have stopped him, but what should I say now?
    But hey—he was able to describe me as 'distant', even though I was smiling in that lonesome classroom.
    "...do I always look cheerful?"
    If he responded like everyone else, then he'd be just like everyone else.
    Ah, I had great expectations of him. I had enormous expectations that he would deny my statement and truly understand me.
    "Yeah. Well...you do look that way," he hesitantly responded.
    Upon hearing those words, I became utterly disenchanted with him, lost all my interest and immediately started to hate him. I was surprised by the strength of the pendulum-like reversal of my feelings, but I had probably set my expectations far too high.
    But that boy who I now hated added the following words:
    "You're really trying hard, aren't you?"
    My feelings swung like a pendulum once more and my hatred was inverted once again. My face couldn't keep up with the sudden shifts–but my heart felt strangely warm.
    Trying hard. Trying hard to look cheerful.
    That's correct. Even more correct than denying that I looked cheerful.
    And so I–fell in love.
    EDIT: Context is that both stories involve a girl hearing a guy ask her if something is wrong, after being in an environment where she tries to please people but feels as if she doesn't belong. Sometimes people will be upset whether you try to please them or not. But it's not necessarily your fault. I don't know how you got a personality but I think it's romantic when someone takes the time to ask how you are feeling when you are trying to give off the everyday "nice/happy" aura by acting carefree regardless of how shitty you are feeling.
    Last edited by Phenoca; 12-06-2013 at 09:57 AM.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phenoca View Post
    In LOVE quote from the repeating classroom:
    That is the lamest prepubescent shit I've ever read. This pretentious girl expects other people, who likely have similar or worse issues, to understand her without even ALLOWING people to know her? More importantly, without even trying to understand her peers, falls in love instantly with a boy who just happened to guess correctly?..........................lol Is our protagonist 15, docta!?

    That is beyond stupid.

    Moreover, it doesn't make sense. Why is she so hurt by these boys' reactions when she never felt anything for them? Unless she was in denial. Her perspective makes it come off as if she doesn't care to be their girlfriend OR friend. She's just obliging them for the sake of being polite, yet she formed "scars" as if she was in a relationship with each of them for ten years.

    I dunno know about you, but I don't form "scars" from acquaintances, because there were never feelings there to destroy. Plus, dodged a bullet.

    P.S. Hey! If you guess my favorite color correctly, I will date you! ♥v♥

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    I hate TALKING. to PEOPLE. about THINGS.

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    I formed my personality subconsciously since I could remember. Obviously, who consumes the majority of your time directly influences your personality and behavioral traits. I've always done and said what I wanted. Probably in a more selfish and rude manner when I was younger, but I'm much more polite, yet still direct and honest, now.

    If you have to consciously pick your personality, you are only trying to appease others and/or attain something, such as: money, status, BF/GF, attention, etc.

    I'm usually always who I want to be except in formal situations and important events, but even then I have a habit of puking out Sam verbiage. However, I think that's normal for most people. You have to be an upgraded-version of yourself sometimes.

    Do what you want, as long as it's not harmful to yourself or others.

    I'm skeptical you've never had your own personality. Maybe you put up a front around most people, but your personality has always been there. And maybe it's not as pronounced and interesting, but it still exists.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TuxedoSam View Post
    If you have to consciously pick your personality, you are only trying to appease others and/or attain something,
    If I consciously pick my personality to appease others then they suddenly give me a warm response and trust me and want to open themselves up to me. But when I act genuinely and sincerely then they INSTANTLY get suspicious and say I have ulterior motives and am trying to suck up to them. But WHEN I DO suck-up to them is when they trust me the MOST? ****ING RETARDED. When I try to be a 2-dimensional personality in order to please others or meet their expectations then they get extremely happy, but the moment I start getting comfortable and expressing myself (or disagreeing with their opinion) then they feel I'm a white knight or a pervert or condescending or a troll or a liar.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Phenoca View Post
    If I consciously pick my personality to appease others then they suddenly give me a warm response and trust me and want to open themselves up to me. But when I act genuinely and sincerely then they INSTANTLY get suspicious and say I have ulterior motives and am trying to suck up to them. But WHEN I DO suck-up to them is when they trust me the MOST? ****ING RETARDED. When I try to be a 2-dimensional personality in order to please others or meet their expectations then they get extremely happy, but the moment I start getting comfortable and expressing myself (or disagreeing with their opinion) then they feel I'm a white knight or a pervert or condescending or a troll or a liar.
    Your personalities also tend to flip-flop, so it's hard to make-up your true identity when there are several to choose from. I thought you were trolling me because you admitted you were during our first conversation, then when I asked if you were trolling, you just giggled and didn't specify. It's this type of behavior that is very confusing and makes it hard to recognize sincerity.

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    My true identity is a religious nutcase who wants God-realization for everyone and to spend his life with Mahayasham. Both of which you and I agree are crazy priorities (since I am an atheist and Mahayasham thinks I'm a crazy stalker). But that is my core "genuine" self.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Phenoca View Post
    My true identity is a religious nutcase who wants God-realization for everyone and to spend his life with Mahayasham. Both of which you and I agree are crazy priorities (since I am an atheist and Mahayasham thinks I'm a crazy stalker). But that is my core "genuine" self.
    I'm sure you can work something out. GL!

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