Honestly, this is scary. Have you sought therapy? Anger management? Something? It could help you.I have anger issues, simply put. A lot of the time, when I get angry at someone, I will do about what you do. Most of the time, after a few moments of imagining how I will kill someone (and yeah, it's always me killing them), I feel bad and have to tell myself that I don't really feel that way and I love all life blah blah blah. But generally, before I go to bed, it's about 30 minutes of non-stop thinking about mutilating all the ****wads that dared annoy me during the day. Then 10 or so minutes of trying to convince myself that I really couldn't, that I shouldn't, that I'd do it and then regret it, and then there's the law to worry about, etc... and then sleep.
Generally, when I'm not occupying myself with games, whenever I see or meet someone, my first thoughts are about how I could best disable them.
It's funny this thread was brought up, as lately my anger has been flaring up to the point that I've been afraid for those around me. I'm not a people person, and for the past couple of months I've been put in a situation where I'm around more people than I'd like and it's been getting at me. Now it's to the point where I'm constantly wondering why people to stupid to realize how easy it is to kill someone. Some of the things people dare say in my presence are so mind-numbingly ignorant that I have to make a pretty big effort to not do something we'll all regret. The worse part is, I feel like people are starting to realize I'm thinking about the ways I could kill them - or something else dark, which isn't cool when it's your family thinking that :P
When things get back to normal, it wont be a problem. But for now, it's very stressful. It makes me think about the best time of my life being when I had a decent punching bag set up in my shed back in Missouri. Punching the shit out of an inanimate object was an amazing way to deal with my anger problems. Unfortunately, we don't have a decent place to set one up where I live now. And it just don't feel right punching something that isn't solid. For now I've had to be content with punching brick walls whenever I come across one.
Yeah, to much information. But I needed to vent.