doesn't look good for ya brah.
doesn't look good for ya brah.
“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
I may not be able to tell you what you should do but I can tell you what I would do. I wouldn't continue the relationship but only because I've been cheated on before and it hurts really bad so I would never take the risk again. Although if I didn't experience someone cheating on me then I would probably give her a second chance. It's a really hard decision so best of luck to you and I hope everything turns out good for you.
# ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ ᴄ ᴀ ʟ ʟ ᴍ ᴇ ᴛ ʜ ᴇ s ᴏ ʀ ᴄ ᴇ ʀ ᴇ ʀ s ᴜ ᴘ ʀ ᴇ ᴍ ᴇ ʙ ᴇ ᴄ ᴀ ᴜ s ᴇ ɪ ' ᴍ s ᴏ s ᴛ ʀ ᴀ ɴ ɢ ᴇ.
From someone who has some understanding of abusive relationships and patterns, here's what I think.
On the assumption she is an honest, good person, and not fooling with you just because it benefits her: it's very easy to fall back into the same old ugly patterns. There a lot of things that could be going on in her head and heart, such as believing you're too good for her, believing she'll always be the way she was, believing that maybe she should believe in these other guys because they're nice to her and give her positive attention (even though you're right there). There are many reasons that she could be still interacting with these guys besides intentional cheating, etc.
Continuing on that mode of thought, the best thing you can do is put the relationship on pause and help her get the help she needs. Help her get a counselor, or a therapist, or do couple's therapy. If you believe in her, and you want her to be happy and to escape from this past, then you should offer her a chance to help herself by working through those issues with a professional that understands the patterns of abuse, self-hatred, etc.
If you don't want to do that, or she refuses, then break it off entirely: it won't work.
If you don't want to help her that far - not for years necessarily but just for one session! - then you clearly don't believe in her, and that's not going to change. If she doesn't want to go, she either isn't ready to change - and will be too much of a toxic burden for you - or she's playing you for a fool intentionally.
As much as I'd encourage you to help the girl see a professional for these issues she obviously has, you have to do what's best and healthiest for you first, even if it means cutting her out of your life completely.
Drop her. She's probably going to cheat on you, if she hasn't already. She's going to end up being nothing but the source of pain and suffering. You'll find much, much better so do not settle for the crap that floats to the top.
You can't have a meaningful relationship when a seed of doubt has been planted. You'll always wonder what she's doing when she's away from you. Is she cheating? Sexting? Who knows. The only way you could get through that relationship is if, for some reason, you're alright with cheating and/or you're just in it for the sex.
Also, she's going to tell you whatever she thinks you want to hear. She wants you to believe she's the damsel in distress so you'll want to swoop down and save her. She needs to go be with that guy she really wanted to be with.
Also, the stuff you're saying she's said is not "flirting." Telling someone you've always wanted to be with them or saying that the sex is better with them, is not flirting.
Take a big breath and make the decision you know needs to be made. Otherwise you're just going to end up sinking into drama, hate, and sadness. You don't need that. You're not some actor in a TV drama. You're a real person who shouldn't have to put up with that and you should take the steps to make sure you don't.
TL;DR - the relationship is broken and will never be repaired - maybe if you had been together for years and years, but not when it's this early. She'll end up doing it again, or maybe taking it further, because she thinks she can get away with it by just apologizing.
Edit: What I said was a bit to coarse, go read MissyS' post.
Last edited by ApocaRUFF; 08-27-2014 at 10:17 PM.
Speaking from experience.
I was basically a stable non-douche rebound. Not what she really wanted.
If you continue you are most likely looking at a ton of drama and being strung along all while knowing you are her 2nd-3rd choice.
I would drop her now.
I like a lot of what MissyS said, but I can't get past those texts that she sent. It sounds like she's using you, although not in a malicious way; maybe she's finally been able to get in a place where she's happier, and you're giving it to her. However, she obviously has no intention of staying loyal to you and the relationship should be cut.
She's just a person that needs help, but I don't think she's that into you.
"People accept the love they think they deserve"
After so much abuse, her self-esteem and self-image might be damaged. Unless she receive the help that she needs, not much is going to change.
Humpty-dump her immediately.
People are replaceable, and this kinda person more so than usual.
No point in trying to salvage this. You are not responsible for other people's mental health issues (unless you caused them to begin with),
and based on the things you related from her texts suggests that she want to have her cake and eat it too. People like that don't deserve your time, nor your suffering.
The Common Sense United Front
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What she did completely contradicts the label "sweetest thing on the planet." If she intended to cheat on you and flirts with other guys, she is not sweet. She is disloyal, irresponsible, and perhaps manipulative.
Does she have a job? The answer to this question could open-up a broad spectrum of reasons why she's with you. However, that would be all speculation, and I don't want to give advice about ending your relationship without definitive information.
That said, I will give you advice solely on the evidence that she implied a sex meet-up via text to another person.
You should dump her.