[Serious] Oh look, relationship advice required once again

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  1. #1
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    Default [Serious] Oh look, relationship advice required once again

    I'll just copy/paste what I wrote already before

    Been together for 2 months. We met sometime at the end of June this year. She's been a pretty big mess in the past and up until we met she's been with at least 4 different guys together and basically just bouncing from one to another after she finally left her abusing boyfriend who was beating and raping her. She also has a kid from said abusing boyfriend but that is not an issue for me and the child doesn't play a role in my decision making but he obviously does play a role in her decision making.

    All of these previous boyfriends from this past half year have been just a couple week hoop-ups at best because she was obviously desperate and didn't know what to do with a child less than a year old in her hands.


    So then we met and things have been drastically more different than it was with her previous bfs. After a month or so we really got close and fell in love and could really see a future with her because she is just the sweetest and most kind person there ever is, just misguided and lost (how I saw things). She also felt very close to me and was really loving and caring, the things you can only dream of. Soon I will be an owner of my own apartment and naturally the preposition to move in with me has been discussed and she's psyched out of her mind and happy about that.


    But here is the problem. Knowing her past many other guys she's been with before and some totally random unknown numbers have been hitting on her and she's been texting them back regularly. I thought she will have reason and just ignore every single one of them. Unfortunately these guys have been texting her up until yesterday when I decided to check the messages from them while she was taking a shower.


    Surely enough the guy she just exchanged messages with was hitting on her. What was heartbreaking was that her responses were these:
    "I've always wanted you but didn't know you wanted me back too";"I've had the best sex with you in my entire life";"Sure I would like to meet with you for a little massage". The guy lives 2 hour drive away from this city and no guy will ride 2 hours just for a "massage".


    I've confronted her with this and she has been speechless for half-day. She doesn't have anything to say but how sorry she is and it won't happen again, she has never been so happy before and she finally feels like she has crawled out of her "boyfriends bouncing hell".
    She cried out an ocean when I tried to talk to her about this but I don't know how I can trust her. Who says it won't happen again in 2 months, 6 months or a year?


    I am faced with a tough decision whether to continue and try to save the relationship with her or break up with her. I am torn because I don't want to live with a person knowing in the back of my head that she may be cheating on me with god knows who, but It's also hard for me to break up with her because she is just the sweetest thing on this planet.

    I honestly don't know what to do.


    tl;dr: GF arranging a hook-up with another guy behind my back and now tries to salvage our relationship when I found out about them. She is really sorry but I am having a tough time to trust her again and I don't know whether to break up with her or try to save things.

    EDIT: Let me clarify that she didn't cheat on me with that guy. They were attempting to arrange a hook-up down the road, several weeks later.

    I am looking for opinions, I am not looking for someone to make a decision for me but right now I am considering break-up.


  2. #2
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    just keep an eye on it for now. activate super spy mode!

    some people are just flirty.

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    Just saw a study that agrees with the 'once a cheater, always a cheater' idea. If you're partner has cheated on someone once they are apparently 3.5 times more likely to cheat on a later partner.
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    Marc, she was planning on cheating on you in the first place. Don't turn a blind eye. Only now that she was caught with the arrangement, she's trying to salvage whatever relationship you two had because the realization of "losing something good" is becoming a reality. She can't have the cake and eat it too. I don't condone cheating or even the thought of it, which she has been doing regularly. This is a no-brainer and you know what you have to do. If you do decide to stay with her, the trust you had for her no longer exist.
    Last edited by KREVA; 08-27-2014 at 03:27 PM.

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    Im so glad ill never be in a relationship. People cheating how low can you go. Any ways people disgust me ill stick to my self. My self the only one i trust
    You guys here are some of the most stupid and insulting people out there. I say to you all fuc.k you all. I am really tired of you guys judging me and thinking your above me. Only god can judge me. Later all. Enjoy your onrpg . I come here and be nice to you guys and yet you choose to call me names. Thats fine i dont need you all any more. Bye

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    Quote Originally Posted by Z0MBiE View Post
    just keep an eye on it for now. activate super spy mode!

    some people are just flirty.
    Sorry, but this really doesn't count as being "just flirty."

    She is obviously comprising the boundaries of a normal relationship.

    But yes, from a neutral view, everyone "deserves" a second chance.
    It'll be hard trusting her but to be honest the decision of breaking up is up to you - if you don't think you can trust her, then just break-up.
    "Should've known you'd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do.
    Never gonna change my mind, we can leave it all behind."

    Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.



    Narcolepsy/Somniphobia.

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    Quote Originally Posted by halloeve View Post
    ill stick to my self.
    ewww


  8. #8
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    Ditch .


    [My Anime List] | [last.fm] | [xfire] | [Steam]
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    There was some crap that had happened with my ex-girlfriend that caused her to lose her trust in me completely. It's nothing to with anything close to cheating and quite frankly, I don't think I did anything wrong. She misinterpreted many things, was incredibly selfish/possessive, that lead to the downfall of the relationship. And now, because of these trust issues, she called me last night saying that she doesn't think she can be just friends with me, because apparently I scare her, and some other crap. Tons of drama.

    Believe me dude, tons of drama will just follow you wherever you go. Let's say she will never do what she did again and she keeps her word. Thing is, you will really never know what she's doing alone, and you'll end up becoming a selfish/possessive person and it'll consume you in such a negative way. It'll always be on the back of your mind that there is a possibility that she is still doing these things. It's definitely not worth it, so just end it.

  10. #10
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    She doesn't give a shit about you, dump her.

    Stay frosty.

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