The Artist Formerly Known as Skald Invites You to the Arctic Rodeo, or a Quiet Chaos in the North.
name: bo "two hats" bombooski
occupation: sports photographer/private detective
eye color: brown
favorite sports team: orlando magic
bo "two hats" bombooski kicked open the door to the saloon. two hats wasn't the kind of guy that when he spoke, people listened. mostly people laughed when two hats spoke, cause he had a really weird voice. two hats was, however, the kind of person that when he stood, people watched. also when he walked people watched. really when he did anything around people, people watched. because he looked crazy. imagine the craziest looking dude. now imagine him even crazier. that's kind of what two hats looked like.
two hats waddled up to the counter.
"hi ho thar barkeepah", two hats menaced. "i myself happen tuh buh luckin' for thah man call heself Rectangle Richard, mighcha know whee a fella kin find 'em?"
but the barkeep didn't answer, he just laughed. he laughed at two hat's dumb voice.
enraged, two hats turned around and scanned the room. there had to be someone in this saloon who knew where Rectangle Richard was.
name: Ricky Carwash
occupation: Substitute Janitor
eye color: hazelnut
favorite sports team: new england patriots
Ricky Carwash wasn't the sort of man to be kept waiting. Yet here he was, getting stood up yet again by some broad with long legs and a Tinder profile, at the Salty Saloon. The only thing keeping him from wallowing in his misery was the taste of the budweiser and this funny looking clown fella waltzing in here. Ricky couldn't help but stare at the poor fella. "Jesus, what has this country come to?" he mentally says to himself.
But when he hears the clown say Ricky's uncle's name, Rectangle Richard, the man Ricky Carwash was named after, Ricky panics. "Shit," he mentally thinks, "what does this guy know about my old man's brother? Why does he want him? What kind of trouble is Square Dick in now?" Square Dick being Ricky's immature nickname for his uncle. For a second, much too long of a time, Ricky locks eyes with the unibrow'd clown.