Today on the Bottom Tier News Entertainment System, I have a breaking story. I have started leveling a character in the Human Alliance in World of Warcraft. This may not be exceptional news, but in my ten or so years in WoW, I’ve never finished an Ally. That is to say, getting one to the level cap. But thanks to goading from my boss, and a brand new idea, I have begun this trek! Starting it live on OnRPG’s Official Facebook page, I began streaming the process of exploring this new world set before me. Because I’ve never fully gone into detail on the tribulations and life of someone in the Alliance; now I have a reason. I’m going to bring exclusive, important information to my Warchief. How does the Alliance constantly fund their war effort? I now have the answer. Pornography.
You might be asking, “How does that even make sense? They are the Alliance! Pinnacle of virtue and light! They stand against all the evil the Horde does in the world!” And I’m going to tell you to sit down and shut up! My Alliance spy is on Moon Guard. That should tell you all you need to know. But in case you don’t know, Goldshire has another name: Pornshire. That’s where all the deviants hide. They hang out in the inn, on top of it, outside of it, upstairs, leering at a mostly naked woman laying in a bed. Shouting, stripping and dancing! They associate in Goldshire, because it’s an appropriate name for a small village to secretly house a porno empire. That is where the money comes from. THAT is why there are always soldiers ready to fight for the cause! Goldshire is even relatively close to the vile Hogger. You don’t want to know what films he’s been in. But from “Dwarf Dongs and Draenei Butts Vol. 7” and “Barely 18,000 Night Elves Vol. 13”, this expose’ explains so much. Take this knowledge, Warchief, and use it wisely.