Bottom Tier News Entertainment System News Desk, Eastern NC:
This Just In: Nintendo’s stock plummeted this week when everyone learned the horrible, gruesome truth: Nintendo doesn’t actually make Pokémon Go! It’s a collaboration between Niantic and The Pokémon Company; when Pokémon Go started to launch, their star rose in the sky, higher than Sony. Higher than a lot of companies. So much money started falling on them, despite the fact that they weren’t doing anything other than maybe pointing the game out to people. Nintendo HAS mobile games though, but most are only available in Japan. But from what I understand the Fire Emblem/Animal Crossing franchise mobile games are coming before too long. But gullible people dumped their money on Nintendo until a week or two in, and we learned the scary truth! Nintendo didn’t do shit! A rough seventeen point drop in their stock made those investors weep; reports say that their wails, and gnashing of teeth could be heard for miles around. Meanwhile, updates are still coming. Trading and 1v1 battles are very much on the way: But not from Nintendo. To the people who are playing the game hardcore still, it doesn’t even matter. It only mattered to the people who didn’t fucking pay attention and realize that while yes, Nintendo publishes Pokémon and are one of three companies who hold the rights, along with Creatures and Game Freak. They don’t own a lot of the Pokémon Company so they aren’t going to get a huge revenue boost: But they will see something.
We recently announced the really cool “NES Classic System”, which is an official Nintendo licensed product. It’s a real thing, really sent out by Nintendo. That’s beautiful. I have a feeling it will slow down products like the Retron 5, but that’s not what we’re here about today. AtGames has a “licensed product”, but it’s not made BY SEGA. It’s a fucking knock-off of the Sega Master system. It’s got some interesting little tidbits and features, but it’s no NES Classic. It’s just another dreadful knock-off for people who can’t go get a real Sega Mega Drive or don’t want to have the real thing. The “Mega Drive Classic Game Console” even has a similar name! It’s distressing, shady, and fucking sad. If you want a Sega console, just go buy a real one; help a local business, not a scumbag.
We’re going to end with Twitch, the place where we do a lot of our Bottom Tier stuff. When you go to Twitch, what are you expecting? Street Fighter, Castlevania, CS: GO, World of Warcraft, StarCraft, stuff like that. Do you expect the DNC/RNC? Maybe a cooking channel? This isn’t Justin.tv, this is Twitch.tv. There are options for you if you want to watch the Democratic National Convention on the Internet, why would Twitch branch out that far? Stick to what makes you famous and popular, don’t try to spread yourselves too thin. I love Twitch, and I liked Justin.tv, but the categories on Twitch are just too fucking ridiculous now.
Founded in June 2011, Twitch is the world’s leading social video platform and community for gamers. Each month, more than 100 million community members gather to watch and talk about video games with more than 1.7 million broadcasters. [from twitch.tv]
So why the fuck are we watching cooking here? Media sites, editorials, gaming, tournaments, and chili cook-offs, live on Twitch.tv!