Real life MMO Monster Manual Chapter 1
By Kei Beneza (dividelife), OnRPG Journalist
Ever had your party PWND by a boss? Ever faced vermin without the proper gadgets and weapons? Here I present the first ever “real life” MMO Monster Manual, a volume of information dedicated to helping real life raid members with the bosses and instances of their mundane lives. It’s a lot more complex out there than you think. Much like in a MMO, the real world also has its fair share of class archetypes, and just like raiding and boss battles, every class is required for a party to besolid. Here I will show you how to deal with the mobs, adds, and bosses that makes it harder for you to enjoy your favorite MMO.
Monster Name: Flying Cockroach
Abilities: Flight, Bite, Swarm, Breed, Hide, Extra life
Phase 1: Hide
In this phase the Flying Roach turns on his ‘Hide’ skill and blends with the furniture. Note that this is not the best phase to attack in, as the Roach will just dodge instantly every time you strike.
Phase 2: Wall run
This is the only vulnerable phase for the Roach. Since the Roach’s life is only 5, you can pretty much kill him with one blow. Note that his EXTRA LIFE can trigger during this event, which is why you would want the hardest-hitting character in your party to finish the job.
Phase 3: Flight
There is no turning back when this Phase starts. When the Roach gains the ability to fly, it will launch itself towards a random location. Funny, as the random location will most likely be toward you 90% of the time (LOL), resulting in a wipe.
Monster name: Rat
Abilities: Bite, Nibble, Leptosprirosis
It would be ideal for a party to have a Hunter when fighting these critters as they are easier to catch with traps. Your Hunter can also send their pet cat to kill these vermin, but the chances of not being hurt are rather slim. The Rat carries a permanent DPS called Leptospirosis, which drains 5000 hp/s. Take care when drinking your potions in this battle as the Rat is most likely to strike when it is the least expected.
Fighting head on: It would be stupid to try and fight it head on as the Rat’s speed is that of an Epic mount. Always remember to leave this matter to the Hunter, for the only way to kill a fast monster would be through a fast snap trap.
Boss name: Mom and Dad
Abilities: Because I said So, Scream of Terror, Summon Mate, Uber Cheezy Team
Dealing with this particular boss is quite tricky. Perhaps the easiest way of bringing this boss down is to not let Mom use Summon Mate or Scream of Terror as it usually summons Dad while he’s watching TV. Rogues and Assassins are quite lucky in this boss fight since they can hide when Mom hits the group with “Because I Said So”. If the Dad is summoned, the game goes into hard mode and will only result in a wipe no matter how hard you try. Paladins can use Holy Aura when the bosses use Scream of Terror. This will make them go to church, giving your party time to buff up.
Boss name: Boss
Abilities: You’re FIRED!, Extra Work!, Overtime!, Dinner with me!
The Boss is one of the hardest mobs in the game. First of all, there are no patterns for you to follow, meaning players must be resilient at all times. The Boss will start by barraging you with EXTRA WORK, which you must complete in order to fizzle his’ You’re FIRED’ attack which, if completed, will most likely kill you all. There are times when the Boss hits you with Overtime so be sure to do your extra work fast. If you continue to do this, the Boss will trigger the “Dinner with Me” phase, which will be the only time for players to attack. Once the dinner realm is complete, each party member will get a temporary skill called “Ask for a raise”. If the Boss was impressed by your performance during the earlier phases, he will hand over a lot of experience and end the battle immediately.
Rare monster boss: The bitter Ex-girlfriend
Abilities: I Want You Back, Whuzzat Gurl?, Stalk
Phase 1: I Want You Back
This phase is going to be hard for non-int-based characters. The Ex will most likely have her seduction armor on in this phase, making it hard for players to break free. No matter how hot she’s become, ALWAYS say “NO”.
Phase 2: Whuzzat Gurl?
When the Ex walks around fast while pointing and shaking her head, make sure to implement a 30 meter distance from all party members as this will trigger the Whuzzat Guirl skill. The ex will jump on the party member next to you (sometimes you) giving you a couple of DPS debuffs that hits for 4000 hp/s.
Tip: When your Ex triggers Stalk, She will most likely just walk around. The person being stalked will receive an “I’ll love you forever” message on the top portion of their screen. The one being stalked must run around and avoid the Ex at all cost, and at the same time keep his distance from the party to avoid Whuzzat Gurl. When the Ex stalks, the untargeted party members must DPS her down, as she will not feel anything when stalking you.
There are tons of monsters in this world, and although this seems like an analogy from enlighteners, I assure you that I only did it for the lulz. I’m sure I can come up with more guides on how to defeat the more monsters soon. The school principal, the fat cafeteria lady who gives nothing but beans, that persistent salesman in your backyard, I bet your party would do a good job when dealing with these bosses. I’m still stuck with the “Boss-boss” but my guide seems to be working well for me LOL. Tootles everyone.