The Dreaded MMO Fanboyism Disease
By Kei Beneza (dividelife), OnRPG Journalist
For centuries fanboys have worked their way into revolutionizing their way of fanboyism. What was then just a bunch of cheerleaders (I don’t mean the sexy high school type) has now evolved into bloodthirsty zombies that are plaguing the land with their epic disease called fandom. Yes, there ARE fanboys everywhere, especially in the MMO world so don’t think you’re safe in the virtual plain. I’m sure you’ve encountered a lot of epic fanboys out there, constantly infecting you with Fandom disease without even knowing it. I’m not sure if you’re concerned about your wellbeing but I’ve come up with a list of symptoms along with their corresponding numbers in the Geek-o-meter to know if you do have the dreaded A(F4NB01) disease.
0-15 points: Healthy Life
At 0 to 15, you’re healthy and safe from A(F4NB01). You may have a lot of fanboy friends but you’re pretty much immune to the outbreak. At this rate you play a healthy dose of video games but you still go out with friends regularly. If you’re within these boundaries, you’re living a good life.
Healthy Life (There’s still such a thing as Outdoors)
15-35 points: Early Symptoms
At 15-35 points you’re probably starting to hang out with fanboys more often than your friends. This is the tricky part as it serves as the line between being normal and being a fanboy. At this point, you’re already playing for more than 5 hours a day and skip breakfast or lunch regularly.
Symptoms in this phase: Longer playing hours, skipping meals
35-50 points: Denial Phase
If you have 35 to 50 points you’re bound to be one of them, kind of like a fanboy on the works. At this rate, you’ll be laughing at jokes regarding like “why did the level 15 poring cross the road?”. Denial would probably be the first symptom in this area as paranoia’s sure to engulf you with its fiery wrath. You’re probably looking around in your room at this moment, thinking about what particular poster would fit your walls. You’ve probably purchased your first collectible by now and is currently craving for more.
One of the dreaded symptoms in phase is called “N4M3Z0R5” where you end up naming your characters after existing personas in other games, constantly changing it into something that sounds the same if the name has been taken. One good example would be “Sepheroth”. We all know that it’s obviously a misspelled version of “Sephiroth” from Final Fantasy 7 that you are forced to choose since another fanboy took the real name first. Being called by the name gives you a burning sensation and greatly enhances your self esteem. At this point, I advise you to see a doctor and fast.
Symptoms in this phase: Denial, visuals, and paranoia, N4M3Z0R5
Proud MMO Collections (the rare cases of purchased MMO boxes)
50-65 points: Transformation Stage
This is it, the start of your metamorphosis. At this point you’re probably trying to grasp your sanity by watching movies, afraid of the fact that real people don’t attract you anymore. You’re going downhill and there’s nothing you can do about it. Let’s look at the life of a certain man who prefers to remain hidden under his ingame alias “Leghollas” (Yeah… another fanboy beat him to it), a highschool student who is experiencing the next symptom of fanboyism called “1 3M 73H 1”. This occurs when a person starts to change his character’s looks to fit his character’s name. Since Legolas is an elven ranger, Leghollas copied every piece of detail he could muster from the character creation interface of Lineage 2. He is currently under provision for further analysis.
Leghollas is currently the guild leader of a PVP group known as the “Lord of the Rings” and is currently in charge of handling his guild’s applications while being watched by our specialists.
Symptoms in this phase: 1 3M 73H 1 syndrome, thinks that guilds need applications like work, possibly roleplaying as the real Legolas himself.
Customized Game Room (Who’s paying the electrical bill?)
65-80 points: Signs of Violence
It’s all downhill from here boy. This is your last stop before you completely turn over to the dorkside. All of the previous symptoms have probably reached their maximum level by now. Your room will start to look like an arcade station rather than a place to rest, figurines and collectibles will flood your room constantly forcing you to take out other UNNECESSARY furniture like YOUR BED. Doing regular dungeons no longer interest you as you feel the lack of epic drama hence dumb moves like shouting “LEEROY JENKINS!” while mobbing the entire lair while your team hides their face under the palm of their hand. At this point the only advice I could give you is for you to have yourself confined in military school before you start hitting your door or killing your father while summoning a demon from the netherworld. Your room will be filled with holes like that kid on TV who smashed his own door after losing in PVP.
Symptoms in this phase: Violence, retard strategies, museum-like room
Hoarding Figurines (Your own private raid group)
80-100 points: Dial 911
I’m sorry man… this is the part where you put your highsocks on and announce your new identity to the world. No longer are you the spawn that came out from your mother’s womb, you are—- SANGOUKU! (yeah they still beat you to it). By now you are probably cosplaying as your own character, doing poses while others watch other people take pictures of you to put in the daily geek newspaper. At this point you’re already loveless and has dumped your consort (filed divorce papers in some cases) to play more games for flesh no longer attracts you. You bow before ingame characters and even date other manchicks online for it is not their real bodies that matter but the hotness of the elf that stands before you. You’re dead to the world my boy, and now the world of adventure awaits. May god have mercy on your soul young one for you have lost the fight against A(F4NB01).
Final Product: your room is now filled with collectibles, you no longer sleep, you feel attracted to video game characters instead of real people, you wreck objects when other players have triggered your wrath either through PVP or by being human.
If symptoms persist, consult your doctor.