Things You Just Have To Ask Video Game Characters
by: Kei Beneza (dividelife), OnRPG Journalist
Although each Video game explains everything there is to know about its respective storyline, it would seem that a lot of questions remain unanswered. Enclosed is a list of questions that I would personally want to ask Video Game characters. It’s really funny how people tend to overlook the obvious when playing their favorite games. Anyway, without further adieu…
1) Sylvanas Windrunner (World of Warcraft): Where’s the bathroom in undercity?
Due to the harsh conditions of this unruly castle, it’s quite hard for outsiders to find a place of solitude (in their desperate need to excrete). Since most of its inhabitants are undead, people from the outside world may just consider taking a leak (or number 2) on the sewers (provided that the acid doesn’t melt them before they could feel the satisfaction of nature. Sorry, just had to ask!
“No bathroom? That might explain a few things…”
2) Heihachi Mishima (Tekken): What type of gel do you use? Or is it wax?
Ever wonder how gramps manages to pull his hair up like that? People would often brag about Tekken being the most realistic fighting games of all time. Yeah sure! They use real martial arts, but seeing Jin and Kazuya rip a whole building apart just by swinging their fists is more than enough for reality to suppress. Due to its obvious UN-REALISM, I’ve decided to come up with a more REALISTIC question: Heihachi Mishima’s been fighting with that due for several years now. He hits the ground and even mashes his face on the wall without tainting the doo with imperfection. Seriously gramps, how do you do it? Sorry, just had to ask!
“HUU! GEL ACTION!”
3) Illidan Stormrage (World of Warcraft): Are YOU prepared?
I’m not buying it if he’s just trying to scare the buhjeezus out of me. The guy is obviously bitter towards mankind. Not only did he lose to Triple H (I mean Arthas), he even wrote about how perpetrated he felt when his brother took his chick. If you’re gonna point fingers, then please don’t forget to look at the mirror. Sorry, just had to ask!
“I think I forgot to wear undies today”
4) Chun-Li (Street Fighter): Seriously, are you a reporter or an Interpol agent?
The Vega-M.Bison name mixup was bad enough really. It would seem that our sexy Chinese Kung Fu girl’s been having a hard time finding a worthy job. After seeing her in Van Damme’s street fighter movie, I was surprised at how the strongest woman in the world turns out to be nothing more than a mere reporter. Sorry, just had to ask!
“Reporter or not, I kick your ass!”
5) Citizens of Novus (RF Online): Is mining the only business in the universe? Don’t you guys want to start your own business?
Ah yes, the citizens of Novus! Due to the game’s harsh love for their characters, mining became the only source of income for everyone in Novus. It’s not like the mines are disappearing. I mean, we’ve been mining for more than 4 years now… you telling me that you guys are still obsessing over that weird jackhammer? Sorry, just had to ask!
6) Mario & Luigi (Super Mario Bros.): Are you doing your job?
It’s quite a fact that Mario and Luigi are living the good life. Whether it’s stepping on goombas, saving the princess, being the heroes of mushroom kingdom, you’ll find that they’re good at what they do. But what exactly does that have to do with plumbing? Are these guys just slacking around? Because if that’s what plumbers do; I’m off to becoming a fully pledged plumber. Sorry, just had to ask!
“I’m sorry, but the Plumber is in another castle”
7) Principals (Ran Online): Is this seriously a school? Why do students go out before break time?
There’s no doubt that the schools of Ran Online have a hefty budget. They have Bathrooms (which is rather cool because Undercity lacks it), Classrooms, Labs and everything. But who uses these facilities anyway? We all know that Ran online is about schools (mostly similar to the SeeD school in Final Fantasy 8 without the queer love story) so uses these facilities? The goons and mobs perhaps? If you cut classes on a daily basis like these hooligans then you’re bound to repeat the same school-year all over again. Sorry, just had to ask!
8) Random Elf (Rohan Online): Did it ever cross your mind miss elf, that you sometimes wanted to be hmm… a warrior perhaps? instead of being a healer I mean.
Due to Rohan Online’s racial weirdness, most of its races are limited to only a few classes. elves would be a good example for this unfair treatment. Perhaps it didn’t even occur to them that they are capable of being good Warriors or perhaps Paladins. Maybe they were raised that way. Maybe their moms and dads were healers too (oh wait, that’s given) and decided to continue to family/racial tradition. They’re all HEALERS for god’s sake. MALE and FEMALE! Nothing’s more fun than being a healer! This way no one can hurt us, and we’re safe from the outside world! Geez people, trying dreaming for once. Sorry, just had to ask!
9)Master Chief (Halo): Where do you take a dump man?
Yes, our 7-foot tall hero. Ever wonder how he manages to take a dump on certain occasions? I mean, with a skin tight armor that weighs 1000 pounds, you’d probably have to have an excretion shaft somewhere. It’s already troublesome trying to take off something that weighs more than 3 Sumo wrestlers, so I just have to ask. Where on earth do you put your miraculous brown babies? In fact, where do you take a leak as well? Sorry, just had to ask!
10) Rather Rubal Kubara (Ragnarok Online): When a priest turns into a Monk, does he actually change religion?
Quite funny how most MMO would just use the next relative word in order to further expand their class selection. Sometimes, a horse rider can evolve to a Camel Rider, which doesn’t really make sense. Now, suppose a priest turns into a monk… I wonder, does he change religion upon changing his class? Cause’ that’s just blasphemy. One second you’re praising Pelor (some Dungeons and Dragons deity) and few hours after changing your class, you turn into a Taoist. Sorry, just had to ask!
And there you go! Questions I’d like to ask Video game characters. Sometimes the developers and characters just make their own situations and choices very questionable. Well, either that or I just enjoy being a regular killjoy ARSE. 😀