Top 10 Silly MMO Facts
By Kei Beneza (dividelife), OnRPG Journalist
Since the dawn of MMO time, silliness has spawned from different MMO worlds. Whether it’s the war-filled plains of Novus or the adventurous land of Azeroth, no one is safe from the absurdity and wackyness of the MMO genre. It’s not just something that has been started by the MMO community but by the games themselves. What are you waiting for? Check it out!
10). The Blacksmith Is A Scammer And Is Always Low On Supplies
Yes, poor Mr. BlackSmith. Although he IS the resident smith and has been there much longer than any player in the game, he always seems to be out of supplies and can only offer a set of cheap common items at a steep price (what a rip-off). I understand that the world is going through some rough times, but why must he order everyone to get the materials he needs just to be able to craft an item? The fact is that players are often better at smithing than the resident blacksmith. Maybe he should just give it up and work as a town guard, because those people are useless aesthetics to begin with.
9). The Town Hero Is Nothing But A Bum Who Orders People Around
Each MMORPG has their own respective Hero. Whether it’s RF Online’s Lothan III, WoW’s King Varian, or LOTRO’s Aragorn, the only thing they’re capable of is staying in one place saying quotes over and over again. If they are really the epic warriors they claim to be, why don’t they take matters into their own hands and aid the soldiers (players) in battle? They also seem to enjoy ordering people around, asking them to slay dragons and battle ogres that they themselves won’t have a problem beating. Lazy bums.
8). That Hot Elven Chick Is A Guy
If you enjoy hitting on every hot bloodelf or darkelf out there, I just want you to know that unless you hear them talk on voice servers, there is a 98% chance that these destructive babes are guys (better known as Chicks with Eggs). If a heavily armored babe rescues you from a pack of renegade gankers, don’t fall in love just yet, because you might be in for an epic trap LOL. Here’s a tip: If they ask you to do quests, there is a 50% chance that they’re real women. If they say “Let’s pwn sum nubz” then don’t hesitate to call them dudes :)). Remember, girls only like playing as elves, high-elves, night-elves, white-elves, dark-elves, and blood-elves :3
7). More Skin Means Stronger Characters
This by far is one of the most senseless features in MMO history. How exactly does less steel and more skin be stronger and much more expensive than the regular non-stylish-but-highly-protective gear? If that’s the case, then it would probably be wise to just enter a dungeon in your underwear. It IS logical, yes? Better yet, if more skin and less armor makes you stronger, then why not go all the way and just go nude?
6). Elves Mass Produce Like Crazy
Have you ever played an MMO that features an elven race without seeing nine to ten elves every minute? I guess not. It seems that a high percentage of newbies really want to look cute and sexy, hence the elven population. Whether they are bloodelves, dark elves, white elves, broze elves, or whatever, you are bound to see a lot of them in almost every MMO. Storywise, elves are hot to begin with, so I’m not really wondering how they managed to mass produce like crazy. I’m just saying that if other races want to be played, then they seriously need to consult their dermathologist for a scheduled facelift, or better yet, plastic surgery :)).
5). The Cuter The Characters, The Darker The Story
Sometimes, I just can’t help but wonder why MMOs with cutesy characters often share the same melancholic background. How do these characters stay cute and perky with all the death and destruction going on? Here’s something I got from Luna Online…
“The race of the Demons had unleashed their incredible power to solve their problems, causing unending violence. Families were torn apart, friendships had gone awry, and relationships turned sour. You can never be too sure who to trust.”
Families torn apart? Unending violence? Jeez, the next time I encounter a cutesy character in games like Luna Online and Dragonica, I will be sure to give them a pat on the back. It’s just so depressing, and I’m sure everyone of them needs a shoulder to cry on 🙁
4). Eight out of Ten People Do NOT Use Non-HP and Non-Mana Potions
Congratulations! You just picked up a stamina potion thats grants you +3 dex for 3 hours! What? You’re selling it? Weird enough, the MMO world gives you tons of items that most people find irrelevant. Sometimes I find myself wondering if these items are just there for fillers. Kind of like what those fire, cure, and thunder spells are in Japanese RPGs. They are there, but noone really uses them. Well, at least they’re worth a couple of coins :P.
3). Sephiroth Is In Every MMO And Server
Here’s a fun fact… Before playing an MMO, me and my crew would usually check if the name Sephiroth is still available. After reviewing tons of MMOs, we never found an MMO that lets us hog the name for laughs.
Here’s a good example: http://eu.battle.net/wow/en/search?q=Sephiroth%20&f=wowcharacter
Although we were unable to meet the infamous One-winged-Elf/Dranei/Darkelf/Human/Tauren/Hobbit/Orc/Dwarf/Warforged/Angel ingame, we managed to meet one of his clones (someone named “Sepheroth”). Sepheroth was actually pretty nice despite us laughing like hell on the other side of the monitor. Things also started to get interesting when his friend “Cloudd” logged in next to him :)). After enduring a series of “Sup Sephee” and “Yo”s from us, the One-winged-Elf/Dranei/Darkelf/Human/Tauren/Hobbit/Orc/Dwarf/Warforged/Angel decided to call it quits and ran off with his best-bud-ebar.
2). The First Requirement To Be An MMO Hero Is To Kill Defenseless Creatures
Sometimes I wonder if MMO Heroes are really heroes. First of all, they kill and loot defenseless creatures upon starting their aventure. Wouldn’t Porings (Ragnarok Online) be better off as pets? The WWF (World Wildlife Foundation) will definitely get their hands full if they enter the MMO world. In World of Warcraft, an Orc’s first quest is to kill 6 poor boars just to be able to recieve their next objective. How barbaric! It’s not like they plan to eat these pigs; instead, they kill them for sport :(. Maybe they should make these monsters look a bit more menacing, just to justify the fact that they are to be butchered mercilessly by newbs :((.
1). Silly names mean SERIOUS business
And finally, we have my personal favorite. On a normal basis, a character with the name “IPWNNUBZ” will technically OWN a character named “Azgald”. This fact also applies to guilds, as I have seen countless guilds with absurd names like “DaddyLongLegs” clear dungeons without fail, while serious guilds like “ChildrenoftheMoon” and “DarkScions” ragequits like there’s no tomorrow. I myself am not sure as to why characters and guilds with silly names function extemely well both as a unit and as an individual. I guess you’ll just have to join one to find out.
I know I wasn’t able to name all, but I only had space for 10 of them. I’m sure everyone of you have your own silly stuff to tell, but I hope I managed to tickle some bones with this. Thanks for reading :).