Yearly Archives: 2016

Crush Your Enemies Launch Review

By Jason Parker (Ragachak)

 

Crush Your Enemies Review

I love strategy games. I enjoy planning, plotting, and outsmarting people, whether they are friends or computerized opponents. It is one of my greatest joys. However, strategy games take up far too much time, and I have so precious little of it. Sure, I love RTK13, Total War, games like that. But sometimes I want to sit down and spend maybe a half hour or less fighting someone online with my army. Or maybe just going through a story mode that won’t consume every waking moment I have. That’s where Crush Your Enemies comes into play. Vile Monarch are the creators, started through two people who met during the development of This War of Mine, a very horrific and serious game about the consequences of war. That’s heavy stuff. None of that stuff exists in Crush Your Enemies. It’s Conan plus Total War minus all the politicking and grandstanding. No poisoning people, bandying words for alliances. What do you do in Crush Your Enemies?

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Read the title: CRUSH. YOUR. ENEMIES. You are Spartans, Barbarians, Badasses. Name a powerful fighting force, channel them, and get in there and kick their asses! That’s the goal! It’s part strategy game, part puzzle game, where you command a fighting force of. . . well, not particularly bright barbarians. That’s being kind though. They’re dumb as a bag of rocks. But they DO have power. The game starts off pretty simple, giving you stages to explain the lay of the land. You have groups of soldiers, peasants really, and they take over buildings so long as they stay there, “recruiting” troops into the force, up to 50, at least as far in as I am.  But as long as at least one man is there, you can keep recruiting. The more you have there the better, but in a pinch you can leave one person there. There are a variety of buildings, and each of them has their own purposes. Whether it’s upgrading troops [Barbarian, Archer, et cetera], Siege Towers, or other buffs that you unlock through the story mode, there are always ways to win.

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It’s not always going to be easy though. Post tutorial, this game takes the kids gloves off and gets in there, throwing hands with belligerence. Most of the time the enemy outnumbers you, has more buildings, more upgrades – though the divide of the stage is typically pretty even. That’s what makes this more than just an RTS. It’s more than real time strategy, it’s also a puzzle game. You have time to look over the map, figure out what your goals are, and where you’re going to move first. It’s not like it starts timing you until you say roll out. “Wait, times you?” you might ask. Some of the bonus objectives are set on a timer. “Win in x time,” et cetera. You don’t have to fulfill any of those, but the more the better! As long as you Crush Your Enemies, that’s the important thing. In the main story, there are castles to siege, but there are also villages which can be just as challenging to siege. What do you get from those? BEER. Glorious beer, the nectar of power for the barbarian hordes. The more you have the better. But what does it do? It allows you to power-up, so basically. . . beer is a currency. It’s the currency.

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It’s also got cross-play! When I first started playing, I thought to myself that it felt like a mobile game in that you only use the left mouse click to play this game. That’s all you need. You drag and move units, click them with it, and can do everything in the game in that manner.  That’s when I learned that it has a mobile release and that Steam users can play with people on mobile devices without hampering their experience. I can’t imagine someone playing on a magnificent pc wanting to play versus mobile phones, but it’s offered and that’s still pretty cool! So far, it’s been nothing but a delight to play, but I do have to say sometimes the story missions can be incredibly unfair. Like I said, they tend to have more troops and more buildings, but even if the buildings are even, I’ve had to redo stages over and over because I didn’t think it through enough or got overwhelmed by not putting out small, quick groups of troops to delay my opponent’s force.

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But let’s go into some of that multiplayer content. You can play against friends, you can play a random map against a random person, or you can play something more concrete. If you’re going to play something specific, knowing what is on that map will help. Each map has its own clever or humorous name, and will have particular units/buildings on it. Before the stage starts however, you can pick items! You only get two of each that I’ve seen, and you can have three choices equipped and ready to roll. They all have their own ranges and abilities, like the “Jug of Hootch” to make your men drunk and angry, or the Hedgehog Mine, a devastating device that [I learned the hard way] explodes violently even if your forces step on it; I lost most of my army to it. I tend to place it in the most annoying places to stop people from going ham through it. However. . . you can just send a suicide squad of 1-5 soldiers at it.

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There doesn’t seem to be ranked matches, and I don’t know if that’s going to happen. The only huge negative I’ve seen is that there isn’t much of a comeback factor. If you’re behind, whether it’s online or in the story, you’re pretty much behind forever. Unless you’re Sima Yi or something, it takes a real tactical genius to come back in Crush Your Enemies.

 
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What Is Best In Life: Hearing the Lamentations of the Women!

Conclusion: Great

All in all, Crush Your Enemies is so much fun! It’s simple, easy to get into and offers just the right amount of semi-addictiveness to let you play 2 stages to unwind every once in a while and still feel competent. It’s easy to play, hard to master. The language is raucous and vile at times, the jokes coarse and mean spirited. Lots of usage of “gobshite,” which makes me as an English Major giggle. It’s not beautiful or intricate, but it has quite a few interesting classes, and you have to really think about every stage and approach them in different ways. However, I was made aware there were not enough guttural grunts in this article. Would you like to hear more of the Bottom Tier team grunt and re-enact some of the catchy dialogue? Then tune into our video <here> and give it a listen!

Crush Your Enemies Review Pros

Pros:

+ You’re a Barbarian. No politics, no bullshit. Just action.

+ Hilarious dialogue, fantastic artwork.

+ Stages are well put together, requiring a large amount of thought, while also CRUSHING YOUR ENEMIES.

Crush Your Enemies Review Cons

Cons:

– Want to comeback? Then don’t get in a losing position.

– No help icons for anything [like items in PVP].

– Some of the stages feel grossly unfair.

Ready to see Crush Your Enemies in action? Check out our Bottom Tier First Look on MMOHuts!
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Adventurer’s Log: Let’s Go Dungeon Diving! [Deep Dungeon/6 Million Players]

FFXIV Deep Dungeon

Square-Enix announced today that outside of the trial accounts, in just three years FFXIV has over six million cumulative accounts. That’s pretty damn huge for an MMO that was basically a failure in 1.0. So many people hated it that Yoshi-P sat his team down and they made sure that when they relaunched, “A Realm Reborn” would not disappoint. It was a huge success, and Heavensward was a welcome addition to my life as a person who enjoys video games. The latest patch of Final Fantasy XIV was a minor one, but it did come with one thing in particular that caught my eye. Palace of the Dead/Deep Dungeon is adding a Roguelike to Final Fantasy XIV! A dungeon that is new and different everytime, with different rules compared to the outside world. Deep Dungeon originally appeared in Final Fantasy Tactics, but through a very short quest [Level 17 requirement] will let you in!  Even Trial/Non-Heavensward people can do this, but not all the way down to floor 50. I believe non-Heavensward accounts can go to 40.

FFXIV Deep Dungeon

It functions quite a bit different than the rest of the game. You start as level 1, and it has no real “meta” requirements. We had two healers, a tank and a dps on a few occasions. Whatever you want to go in as, that is how it is. You have two “save slots”, and can go in a group of up to four, or queue solo. It works in groups of 10 floors, with a boss at the end. If you fail and wipe, you lose all of the progress up until your last save. You don’t get do-overs. When you go in on a save file, you are stuck in a class until you finish or clear the save data. You start at level 1 of that class like I said, and gain skills in the normal progression. You get no gear, just an “Aetherpool Arm and Armor”. Silver Chests have a chance to give upgrades to those, which are very important. Each set of floors has an “ivl” depending on that gear and nothing else.  Each set of 10 floors has their own aesthetic and own encounters which are random. Chests can also drop items unique to this Dungeon which have a variety of effects. Buffs to stats, chances for more chests on this floor or next floor, you can turn local enemies to frogs, turn into a Monster and fight for a time, and much more.

 

FFXIV Deep Dungeon

There are side effects that can happen on the floors, both positive and negative. You could get Haste for the whole floor. You could gain Maximum HP or lose Maximum HP. You could be denied Sprint! There is an item to disable those too. You can only have three of each item at a time, and they are shared through the party; so if you have 3 and one drops, someone in the party should use one. But they don’t affect the whole party [the buffs], so teamwork is so very important here. There are also traps, that if you step on one can easily wipe your whole party and send you back outside! There’s also an item for that, so be aware of what each of them can do. This is definitely challenging, and the further down you go, the harder it gets. There will be more to come to this according to Yoshi-P, but this is where we start. My favorite part? Sure you can get gil and tomes at level 60, so you can start working towards new/better gear, but you can also use it as a “Trial By Fire” to test classes. Did you unlock Mechanist, Dark Knight, Dragoon or Ninja and not wholly positive how to go about using them, with a pile of abilities? Or maybe not so sure you want to work on them? Use Deep Dungeon low levels to try it for yourself! You can also level there. I was receiving about 89-109k exp in the 30s for my Mechanist. It promotes teamwork, thinking on the fly, and challenges players who want something out of the ordinary. Roguelikes are fun, Final Fantasy XIV is fun, and the Deep Dungeon? Again, is fun. There’s also a Campaign for people whose account has been inactive longer than 30 days. For five days, they can log in for free and see what they’ve been missing. To my friends and family that have shied away, I invite them to take another look!

This Just In: Five Pokémon Go Tips

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We here at the Bottom Tier News Entertainment System live to give you the most important secrets and tips on the Internet. And today, we’ve got some exciting Pokémon Go tips, just to fuel your way to the top of the mountain. Do you want to be the very best? Like no one ever was? You won’t be, unless you pay heed to our wisdom. Niatec doesn’t want you to know! The Pokémon Company doesn’t want you to know! Those other news websites don’t want you to know! But we’ve got you covered.

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1: Shaking your phone violently while driving speeds up egg hatching: Tired of walking 1, 5, 10 kilometers just to hatch an egg? We don’t even use kilometers! All you have to do is shake your phone quick enough! It will count as steps and help you hatch eggs faster than ever before.

2:  Throwing your phone into the air helps you catch flying types: Of course it’s easier to catch flying Pokémon at higher altitudes. So if you toss your phone up into the air, it will trigger them on your GPS.  Bam! Catch those Fearows and Aerodactyls!

3:  Pokémon become harder to catch when others in your area catch them first:  Pokémon Go is creating this supposed air of teamwork and togetherness, but the more people that are in an area, the LESS likely you are to catch a Pokémon! You better make sure you are there first, or can get those other trainers away! Defeat your opponents and catch them all!

4: Throwing it in water helps you find Water Pokémon: Just as the flying types, the water is home to water Pokémon. For people without waterproof phones, you’re just out of luck I’m afraid. You can occasionally find water types on land, but only when you’re closer to the ocean.

5: This one they really don’t want you to know: If you maintain a level ten gym for a week, you can design and give out badges to rival trainers: This will become incredibly expensive for everyone at the top of the food chain, so they definitely don’t want anyone to hold a level 10 gym! Only the most dedicated, most powerful of trainers can hold Real Life Pokémon Gyms.

Bottom Tier News Entertainment System believes in everyone’s Pokémon Potential! So our final tip: How to catch a Mew. Simply locate the lowest elevation in the town where you live. Then it’s simple. The next step is:

Stay tuned for all the latest in video game news, right here, on the Bottom Tier News Entertainment System!