Thought I'd Post a Story

:0 Wow.
When ever I read good stories I have like a movie playing inside my mind.
This story (movie) is really good.
I'm a really picky reader. I only read action and stuff with detail.
i luv it

So what the hell is the point of posting it on the internet if you don't care for our opinions?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vesper

So what the hell is the point of posting it on the internet if you don't care for our opinions?

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Correction.

I don't care about your critiques. I still care about your opinions.

Big difference.

I know you don't really want critiques but I can't help myself.

Here, I see some very good potential, but I already knew you were a good writer (you never did continue Dwarves by the way). However it seem like kind of awkward read for me... I can't really find much wrong with grammar or flow, other than a few pet peeves of mine, but something just doesn't feel write.

Maybe it's just not my style. You know how movies sometimes have a certain shade to them? (I.E, The Matrix was green). Well, I set those for stories as well. And this one just doesn't seem like the type of shade I prefer.

Yeah, I see what you mean, Noah. It has no flow to it.

I say it is very good, "Christopher". You really seem to know your figurative language. You are simply great with imagery! :) I also liked some of the words you used. Keep it up!

Thanks.

OK, after taking Noah's advice, I've decided to introduce the main character before the journal. And throw in some good metaphors besides things music-related and parades. ;]

I've also shedded the 'close observer' bit. It was a bit too narrative, and contrasted with the rest of the language.