It's okay.
I think you could put a lot more effort into your syntax.
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It's okay.
I think you could put a lot more effort into your syntax.
Grammatical, spelling, punctuation changes:
It still needs work but the next problem I saw was with your word choice. It feels like every year they come up with a new set of 'dead words' that kill a story. So word changes will appear in red now. And in some cases, I deleted unnecessary words. We're after quality not quantity.Quote:
My lungs ached as I took in a deep breath of smoke -- exhale. Addiction, some may say, though that was the least of my worries now. My bank account? Empty. My girlfriend? Gone. She left this morning. It is as though the past five years with her meant nothing, I can't blame her. I'm done. I can't keep this shit up anymore, I've been working the same dead end job for the past two years, putting up with a demanding boss only to see the same number that I have seen a thousand times before: zero. It fit's me quite well I think though, considering I've always been told I was nothing,, useless, never going anywhere in life. Maybe that's why I am such a failure, because It's all I've ever known. No, I can't blame all my problems on what someone else said; what difference would it make anyways. I would still be the same, worthless person.
Ahhh, the wind flowing through one's hair is such a wondrous feeling, don't you think? In case you were wondering, I'm standing on the top of a cliff. Quite a high cliff actually and if you haven't guessed my intention then never mind. I've already jumped so explanations aren't necessary.
Weird. Usually this is the point where a person's life flashes before their eyes and then go to "Heaven"? It appears not, as I've been falling for over a minute now and unless my eyes have deceived me, I wasn't that high up. Well then, this is certainly quite the predicament if I do say so myself. You know, I think I can see the world spinning from this angle, the giant ominous clouds at a standstill and the sun right in my ****ing eyes. Thanks for that. "if I were dead I wouldn't have this prob-," he mused still free falling in the air, only the ground to interrupt that thought.
I awoke next to a rather large, though short, tree. Why did I awake you might ask? Well it appears as though I'm not actually dead like you may have thought. ****. Why am I not dead?
Changes in word choices and slight rearrangement of sentences:
Third paragraph was a doozy. The last two sentences could've gone any number of ways. The real kicker was that in the first paragraph I removed "I'm done" even though that was one of the most powerful sentences of that paragraph. It was out of place however. And I couldn't ever find the right place and that bothers me.Quote:
My lungs ached as I inhaled a deep breath of smoke -- exhale. Addiction, though that was the least of my worries now. My bank account? Empty. My girlfriend? Gone. She left this morning. It's like the past five years with her meant nothing, I can't blame her. I can't keep this shit up anymore, I've been working the same dead end job for the past two years, putting up with a demanding boss only to see the same number that I have seen a thousand times before: zero. I'm done. It fit's me quite well I think though, considering I've always been told I was nothing, useless, never going anywhere in life. Maybe that's why I am such a failure, because It's all I've ever known. No, I can't blame all my problems on what someone else said; what difference would it make anyways. I would still be the same, worthless person.
Ahhh, the wind flowing through one's hair is such a wondrous feeling, don't you think? In case you were wondering, I'm standing on the top of a cliff. Quite a high cliff actually and if you haven't guessed my intention then never mind. I've already jumped so explanations aren't necessary.
Weird. Usually this is the point where a person's life flashes before their eyes and then go to "Heaven"? It appears not, as I've been falling for over a minute now and unless my eyes have deceived me, I wasn't that high up. Well then, this is certainly quite the predicament if I do say so myself. You know, I think I can see the world spinning from this angle, the giant ominous clouds at a standstill and the sun right in my ****ing eyes. Thanks for that. "If I were dead I wouldn't have this prob-," he continued musing still free falling in the air, only the ground to interrupt that thought.
I awoke next to a rather large, though short, tree. Why did I awake you might ask? Well it appears as though I'm not actually dead like you may have thought. ****. Why am I not dead?
Thanks for the edits, I may go somewhere with this at some point, or may not. It was written rather quickly then saved and stowed away, so I never really went over it to do any changes. Like I said, I'm no writer, but it does help to vent some emotions sometimes :).Quote:
Originally Posted by hybridchic
School writing doesn't prepare you for creative writing in my experience.Quote:
Originally Posted by endrien
It gives you a foundation for having command of a written language and sometimes an appreciation for literature.
The same is sometimes true at the college level. It is quite stifling at times.
As for critiquing.. It's a necessary component to writing. You can't learn to appreciate and understand your style without having read and come to terms witht he things that have worked for other stories.
Memorandums, emails, proposals, and most other writing that a CEO does for a company falls under the category of technical writing or technical communication.Quote:
Originally Posted by Xenonight2
I didn't say writing wasn't useful. I was specifying the kind of writing you meant.
There's a difference between technical writing, fiction, creative nonfiction, and other forms (to name a few).