what have I found?

My computer isnt actualley new, I bought it off of craigs list from some lady and I was cleaning out some folders today when I stumbled upon a story I guess this lady or one of her family members wrote and I thought it was quite good. Take a look tell me what you think

[QUOTE]Sandra sat alone in her living room staring at the television in front of her. She was so bored with her world. She was so bored with everything around her. Her job was dead end. She prepared the same samples everyday for the “real scientist” to study later. She was unhappy. She made plenty of money, but that wasn’t enough for her. Sandra had a boyfriend. Shed been dating him for two years now and she was quite happy with him. But she was bored with him. Quite happy

That's actually pretty interesting. A small problem with grammar, perhaps, but I've been on the internet long enough that I can fix the errors in my mind while barely noticing them.

weird dude. id erase everything on my hdd before selling my laptop to anyone. (although id have to pay someone to take this peice of shit)

Ehh it wasn't that great. The spelling and grammar suck, and It looks like it has been written by a 15 year old.

i don't know any 15 year olds who could write anything like that...
it would cut off at the good part :hmm:

I think the writer has decent potential. She seems to grasp the basics of things, she just has to refine them, work on her grammar, and learn to make it more interesting. As it stands, though, I wouldn't rush out to buy the novel.

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Originally Posted by Marineking

I think the writer has decent potential. She seems to grasp the basics of things, she just has to refine them, work on her grammar, and learn to make it more interesting. As it stands, though, I wouldn't rush out to buy the novel.

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Agreed.

Also, they need to learn some sentence structure. I saw a lot of repeating of the same words, and some of them were oddly placed as well. And it would really help if they would have built tension at some points instead of coming right out and saying things.

Pretty good overall, though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by daroth

i don't know any 15 year olds who could write anything like that...
it would cut off at the good part

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*cough*Eragon*cough*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Deselin

Agreed.

Also, they need to learn some sentence structure. I saw a lot of repeating of the same words, and some of them were oddly placed as well. And it would really help if they would have built tension at some points instead of coming right out and saying things.

Pretty good overall, though.




*cough*Eragon*cough*

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yah I caught the repeated wording a little annoying after the use of the same word 30 times over