Please critique my story. ^^

[Deselin]

Don't know if this has been done here lately, but I used to do this a while ago. This is a short story I had to write for Creative Writing, and I think it's actually some of my best work. The first half is the good part, the second half is utter shit because I was rushed and on a page limit. Please critique it, grammar, idea; anything you want. Also, I'm taking suggestions on how to lengthen or continue it because I was looking to write a follow-up story.

[QUOTE]

A Moral War
By Sam Stone

Jace arched his back and stretched with a wide yawn. He was tired after his long journey to the Mantal Forest. The surprising thing was that it looked less like a forest and more like a wasteland. Most of the

[masteralakdan]

The story is nice, but isnt Jace was your main character of the story? Isnt using Jace seems redundant? And the transistion of Jace as your main to desellin, i find lacking. Since there were no explanations nor in-depth to why he left at beginning to where he went and to why he is there.

And the topic about jace being wanted by ezrel; didnt ezrel thought jace about humans? Well if ezrel was the all knowing beast why didnt he tempted much powerful wizards to join his cause? Since he knew a lot about the humans he could easily persuaded power hungry humans to his cause.

And lastly the part jace being at the homeland of the demons. If he studied in a magic school, doesnt that gave him informations about demonology. Which inturn will tell him it will be a taboo, which i conclude they will have the exact place on where the demons are at, in which jace wouldnt wandered there as in the first place he was quite afraid of them.

Well thats just my thoughts..