*Chapter 1 Preview of My Novel - "Sorcerer"

[yoyoball]

Hello all, of course you probably clicked this because you are a reader...I'll just tell you now, it's quite long. I've been writing and typing up a story that I have been influenced to write, I have a website at www.brianrivera.co.nr, you can check it out for updates and information.

My book is titled "Sorcerer", here's the synopsis:
Vaughn Jacobs Daugherty is a teenage boy, and at the age of 15 he was told to have contained sorcerer's blood inherited from his mother. His inconsiderate decisions as a teen make his quest to the finding and ridding of his ghostly father a hazardous approach, for none other than "The Dark Shade" (Some called him Cat Boy), was about to reign over and retrieve all sorcerers' blood.
After Vaughn's huge mistake making The Dark Shade immortal, there was almost nothing else to slow The Dark Shade down...and losses and deaths around Vaughn truly impacted the way he gathers about the situation - what with dreadful nightmares of his never-before-met father, and the high stake of being mind-controlled, there is not much left to do but to give up all hope when matters fall into the wrong hands.

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Well, now that you've read the synopsis, I won't tell you anymore. How about we get started on the preview?

Oh yea, it starts off with the Prologue. Chapter 1 is after that. (Like I said, it's quite long for you non-readers.)

Oh, and...**IMPORTANT** Please no negative comments. Feedback and positive comments are heavily appreciated. Suggestions are welcome but I won't guarantee the change since I've already planned everything in the story and I'm already writing my mid-novel Chapters. If you have honest and respectful criticism, that would be welcome, too. This is, however, more for your enjoyment and to accommodate the needs of book-worms xD. Enjoy the selection/excerpt from my edited Prologue and Chapter 1, and good luck! xD

---I uploaded it on Google Documents for the sake of easiness and better reading.---

-----Prologue - Click here

-----Chapter 1 - Click Here

[Bryan]

Please no negative comments.

If people don't like it, people don't like it. You have to be open to negative comments, yes, negative can be constructive too.

I'm reading Chapter 1 now, it seems bland so far.

“No, no…it’s not that. I decided it’s time to tell you something,” finished Kaye turning around to catch Vaughn’s brown eyes.“No, no…it’s not that. I decided it’s time to tell you something,” finished Kaye turning around to catch Vaughn’s brown eyes.

The clouds became an unmistakable dark gray, drips of rain started to clatter on the street, and murmurs of thunder were heard in the distance.

Vaughn was tired and coming home from school after a long day of testing to see his mother ready to give a long speech was a great discomfort.

Kaye, on the other hand, was not tired today. She had a day off her job as an accountant, which was a rare opportunity. After fifteen years of hiding it from him, she decided it was time to confess to Vaughn.

LOLWAT? Can't we have a buildup to this moment instead of it just being forced down our necks? You should let us know the character as the story progresses, not all in one chapter.

[yoyoball]

Thanks. That what I meant, constructive criticism ;-). As for Ch 1, there was quite a few scenes deleted from the editor (just a college alumni, not a real editor), so there's a bountiful of things I have to add-in about the main character before the confession. You're right, it seems like it was just rushed to the point. That will be corrected, thanks!

[Xkarinx]

I liked it alot, really. Im guessing Vaughn is the hero, his mother is the herold, the old men are the mentors? I cant wait for into the abyss part of the story. I want more! lol keep it up. Also add some more big words. And like the other poster said, make it more suspense full when he finds out hes a sorcerer. Like have the mom beat around the bush and give him hints, so he finds out for him self. Idk some suggestions.

[yoyoball]

Thanks a lot. As for the big words, It get's more deep and complex more into the story...Chapter 4 has an unfortunate event that occurs that will change your mind (but in a good way) about your theory of his mother being the herold. I will be nice and post Chapter 2 and 3 which have been completed (but not edited by my helper yet). It's been dusted off from a few weeks of laying there unscathed, so you guys will be the first one to exhibit the adventures in those Chapters. Once again, thanks for the comments, it will really help me in the coming arrangements and changes. Those are probably the best Chapters as well as the interesting and plot-revolting parts of the story, so as to keep you wondering.

And Xkarinx, your suggestion of Kaye "beat around the bush and give him hints, so he finds out for himself," is actually a really great idea. I've re-written Ch 1 only 2 times, and I knew (and felt) that wasn't enough. The other chapters were re-written many more times than that, so that indicates that I really need to bulge into more detail with Ch 1 before advancing off to a new course. As I edit them, things tend to change

----Chapter 2 (unedited for now, sorry) - Click here

---- Chapter 3 (unedited, too) - Click here

[Xkarinx]

Chapter two as good. I think the hero should take alot more cation about the cat. He gave him his blood pretty fast, even when he knows that his dead father wanted some for the same reason. He should maybe flash back to his dream and make him possibly think a little more about giving him his blood. The cat possibly a shadow, maybe shapeshifter? Yes shapeshifter indead, he does shift shapes of course. I think hes ganna be both maybe. lol sorry about all these archetypes, I just got done with this unit in English and when I read books I like to find this out lol. Chapter three was awesome! I still can't find what the heros problem is. Maybe I will find it in later chapters.

[Mr.Black]

Do you plan to publish this.?

[Ayabi]

I wish you the best of luck with your project.

[yoyoball]

---- Chapter 4 (unedited) - Click Here (this will be the last chapter posted for public viewing, Sorry)

[Chaotix]

---- Chapter 4 (unedited) - Click Here (this will be the last chapter posted for public viewing, Sorry)

i have already taken your story, built upon it, and published it. sorry.