I'm learning on my own, and I've playing for a little less than a month, so I don't think I'm the best to give advice here. However, this is what I do (note that I'm having a really hard time with barre chords, too). Instead of barring first, I put my other fingers on the frets first. Once I get a clear sound out of those strings, I proceed to put the barre. My index is very close to the fret, and I press the strings on a 20-30 degree angle (rough estimate). My thumb is in the middle of the neck, and it's more or less at the same height as my middle finger. I keep that position for a while and I strum a bit, to develop strength. Once my hand starts hurting, I release. Again, I don't know if this is correct or not, it's just what I do. I hope I helped some.
