Dark Nights of Dagar - Chapter 1

[TheJESTERJ]

The man had stared at Tarisle with an amused look on his face the entire time he had spoken.

The entire time Tarisle had been speaking a black robed magic-user in the corner of the tavern had been watching him.

Like I said, it's not that big, just gives me a sort of awkward feeling when I read it, even though you did use them somewhat differently.

[Saint]

I see what you mean. Thanks, I'm going to try to reword that.

[availer]

"I hope someone attacks me," he thought brightly, "I really want to test this thing out!"

This story sounds very similiar to an anime fan book. Lacking much detail or scope, just simple storyline with happy super mages and super assasins.

Quests halflings elves etc. Just sounds like a LoTR wannabe and in all honesty, nobody, i say nobody can even creep or be compared to the might of that novel.

Also, New speaker, New line.

"Why, someone could just come up and steal that dagger without him even knowing," thought and outraged Tarisle,

After attempting to stand a few times (he was quite dizzy), Tarisle decided that it must really stink to be a dog.

Its too modern, and jokey and comical. It may appeal to others but is definitly not my taste. I like the wording and most of the atmosphere, a good try, a good job.

EDIT: More mistakes found.

The main road of Haven was made of well-worn cobblestones. Many a horse and wagon had traveled down this road selling its wares to passerbys

I would advise you to start writing serious novels not, erika Thinblade or miglas quickfoot, those kind of names are very annoying. I would also advise using less comical context. As for grammar and spelling its near to perfect. Much better spellings than mine, *sig*

[Saint]

Actually, passerby is the correct word.

Edit: Oh and thats the same speaker I'm sorry that you're all butt hurt that no one liked your story and that it was poorly written. All you've done is shown your inept ability of the english language. Sorry.