70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his ****.
Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
