Oh, you think you’re real clever, Nate Ahearn, don’t you? Dodging my e-mails, my phone calls and personal letters of correspondence. Well, you can wipe that Sony-hating smirk right off your goddamn face, because I got your number. After this site blew the lid off the Microsoft funded conspiracy to dock two-tenths of a point from IGN’s review for Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six® Vegas 2 for the PlayStation 3, I dug deeper into Nate Ahearn’s past. If you refuse to acknowledge my reasonable demands and/or complaints, I will make it my personal mission to have you run ragged through the public eye. The PS3 EyeToy sees all, Mr. Ahearn! I’ve given a name to my pain and it’s Nate Ahearn, as seen visibily intoxicated below:
Nate Ahearn is the one on the right, who looks like a drunk Paul Walker with leukemia.
You might be wondering, “Hey, Wally, Nate is just having a good time, why are you being so hard on him?” Wrong. Mr. Ahearn is a drunk. An alcoholic. And IGN Entertainment corporate brass allow him to review games for the PlayStation 3 instead of getting the help he sorely needs. Correction, desperately needs. Proof? Take a gander at his desk:
Holy crap! There’s enough booze there to kill a Russian bum. And that’s just his desk. Imagine the liquor he probably stows in Matt Casamassina’s plus sized private port-a-potty. You can try and fool the public, Mr. Ahearn, but you can’t fool me - you’re a degenerate and a drunk. How many bottles of Samuel Adams did you chug while sloppily editing your Rainbow Six® Vegas 2 review? Ten? Twenty?
Maybe in your drunken stupor your accidentally meant to hit .9 on your keystroke instead of .2!
The world will never know.
But if the NPD results show that your review had any effect on the sales of the superior version of Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six® Vegas 2, then I hope you get shanked in parking lot of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. You watch your back, Nate Ahearn. You watch your back.
