FAXION TEAM UNEARTHES SIGNIFICANT PVP ARTIFACT

 

UTV True Games, producers of the upcoming game Faxion has announced the recent find of a greatly significant artifact. At a remote dig site (located two floors above the basement of the company’s Austin studio) two tablets were discovered, dating back roughly five thousand years after the founding of Babylon, upon which is carved the first set of codified player-versus-player laws ever to be unearthed. While the exact anthropological implications of this find are still being assessed, the immediate response from the teams in the southern United States has been one of resounding joy and a grave renewal of purpose.

 

 

Through a series of events that can only be described as manmade fate-made-manifest (MMFMM, as coined by the ancient theologians), the development team of Faxion Online stumbled upon both the carved slabs and the necessary cipher. After many hours of unrelated efforts described by the team as “basically coding while our boss scribbled on the white board”, the strange characters were translated and inconspicuously re-carved over the original archaic symbols.

 

 

1. I AM THY PWNER, THY GOD OF PVP

2. THOU SHALT SLAY THY NEIGHBOR

3. THOU SHALT NOT WAIT FOR PROVOCATION

4. THOU SHALT TARGET THE HEALERS BEFORE ANY OTHER

5. THOU SHALT NOT BE FORCED TO QUEUE FOR A KILL

6. HONOR THY GUILD AND GROUP

7. THOU SHALT COVET THY NEIGHBORS PHAT LEWTS

8. THOU SHALT NOT CRAI MORE n00b

9. THOU SHALT TEABAG THY KILL

10. THOU SHALL TAKE SCREENSHOTS OR, FORSOOTH, IT DID NOT HAPPEN

 

 

“All heretofore planned projects, both announced and unannounced, that pit player against player must be reviewed to incorporate the deeper meaning conveyed to us by these ancient tablets” said Creative Director Mike Madden at UTV True Games during an impromptu press conference in the studio’s cafeteria. “We were always destined to be good; with greater reflection on these guidelines – these pillars of conflict – we can see our games and our gamers achieve unimagined levels of greatness.”

 

 

Though the UTV True Games team will continue on in their newfound direction, one cannot help but wonder what portent this discovery has for the rest of PVP humanity. We have been assured that every revelation – interpreted, imagined or contrived – that follows from
the further study of these slabs and the commandments they contain will be released worldwide for the general consumption and further enlightenment for all the people of Earth and the majority of Limbo.