Gaming With Post-Graduation Depression


For those of you who don’t know me personally [which is a lot of you], I’m Jason, or Ragachak, whichever you might see on your screen. I do Twitch Streams and Co-Produce videos and create content for a YouTube channel as well as work here, and on And I love it; don’t get me wrong, this is the job I’ve always wanted to have. Though I graduated college considerably late in life [30s], I still struggle with the whole “Post-Graduation Depression” shtick. Because now I have time: Time to work a lot more than I ever had. I have the ability to write about whatever crosses my mind and publish it, a freedom many people don’t have. I have the time to play more games than I have ever before!  I have so many days where I sit around and fucking do nothing.  So much time just watching YouTube. I have so many games on my bucket list to finish or even start! Another EarthBound playthrough, finish Bravely Second, play Metal Gear Solid V, Tales of Symphonia, Wolfenstein: The New Order, TMNT: Mutants in Manhattan. I need to finish Undertale, and finish my 100% run of FFX-2. Instead? I watched YouTube, did some work and played two games of League of Legends. I start my day with Yoga, and exercise, but I finish my day just slumped in a chair frowning at my screen.

Many have said that depression isn’t a real illness, because you can’t physically see it. That’s a lot of bullshit. That crippling self-doubt that hangs overhead like a cloud, with thoughts like, “Why are you wasting your time playing Final Fantasy X? Don’t you have something more important to do?” and the answer is “No”, I really don’t. Playing games, keeping up with what’s interesting or cool is part-and-parcel to what I do. And I have to manage social/family obligations, be entertaining on camera, pretty much all day. There is never a time when I think, “I hate my job”, because I don’t.  But it can be incredibly hard to focus on finding something to write about, despite having a billion ideas. That depression floats in again and cackles, informing you that every idea you have is just shit. Why would anyone want to know what I think about 80s games, or 90s classic RPGs? I can’t help it; it possesses a lot of my thoughts throughout the day. Post-Graduation Depression makes everything I do feel dull, listless, and not worth doing. Normally a person with infinite patience, I find myself snapping at people that frankly, don’t deserve it.


I’m not the only person who feels this way; I know I’m not. But it in no way changes how I feel. I however, am very fortunate to have a job I love doing, and people in my life that understand how vexing it can be. Sure there are other places that have better “Metrics”, but they don’t love what they do. I just wanted other people to know that battle a variety of social anxieties, depression, or other tough times, that they are not alone. Gaming is supposed to be one of my outlets, where I can immerse myself in a story and find solace.  But Post-Graduation Depression colors everything a shade of gray. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, and I hope you, as readers know the same thing. If I’m feeling that crippling doubt lingering near, I can go to one of my co-workers, my bosses or close friends, and that can do a world of good. The big takeaway friends, whether I know you or not: You are not alone. I’ve had people on Smite who follow the stream come to me and just need someone to listen: I never mind giving them a proverbial ear. Whether it’s on Twitter, YouTube, whatever, You are not alone.

What do you guys play or do to combat that kind of social anxiety? Me, I delve into deep RPGs, or ludicrous action titles.

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  • Jacob Gilray

    I generally can work through my depression by playing games, since they’re one thing i’m good at and have control over. It generally helps distract me from the bad parts of my life!

    • Ragachak

      Ditto; but it’s horrendous to feel like even doing that isn’t helping. I have such a pile of things I could be doing. And instead I often find myself doing none of them, and just wasting time. It’s a vicious cycle.

  • Jaime Skelton

    I avoid MMOs whenever I get in a funk. More people = more problems. Usually I just grab my DS or hop on the PS4, curl up on the couch, and immerse myself in an RPG too.

    • Ragachak

      I’m the same way. I can’t deal with potentially toxic people when I’m in a funk. WoW’s not so bad, as Redbird said, but anything like a raid or something I can’t solo, nope nope nope.

  • To deal with my depression, I will play World of Warcraft or talk to a close friend. I know there are days when there is stuff I should be doing, but sometimes I just can’t and WoW takes me away from it and helps clear my head.

    • Ragachak

      I hear ya. As long as I’m soloing in WoW it’s fine. But the moment I have to do something with other people? Nah, I’ll pass. Rude/dumb people will just aggravate me. But I try to stick to single player content so I can just dwell on a good story for a while. But I definitely get that.